The Black Dragon Live On!

(Never, Sorcerer!)


The Game Plan (2007)

Rating ... D (16)

IMDb's list of keywords associated with The Game Plan appears to be a bit lacking, so I figure I'll help out. Equally worthy candidates include:

- Precocious Kid
- Dwayne Johnson In Smile Overdrive Mode
- Ballet / Football Gender Politics
- Burlesque Support Characters
- Attempted Custody Battle
- Perfunctory Romance
- Fakeout Finale
- You GO Nike!
- Icon Where Self-Centered Sports Star Figures Out Kinship Is More Important Than Career
- Spoilers In The Keywords
- Conspicuously Planted Mise-en-Scène
- Slow Motion
- Slow Motion
- Slow Motion
- Obvious Dramatic Signposting
- Fart Joke
- Buy Your Kids Stuff To Win Them Over
- Capitalize Every Word
- Better Than Gridiron Gang, If You're Bored Enough To Make The Distinction


Hitman (2007)

Rating ... D+ (26)

HITMAN: The Super-Abrigded Script

Enter: Who Cares

RUSSIAN HO
I'm a ho. It's not my fault.

HITMAN
k.


Later...


HITMAN
Your negligence turned this bitch into
a ho. Normally I'm only concerned
about myself btw.

RUSSIAN PRESIDENT
k.


BLAM!


INTERPOL AGENT
Got ya.

HITMAN
Nope. I'm pro.


THE END


We Are the Strange (2007)

Rating ... F (2)

Hi guys. My name is M. Dot Strange. It's like M. Night Shyamalan, but stranger. I made this film. It's called We Are the Strange. If you haven't realized it by now, I guess I'll just mention that I'm a very strange fellow. So strange, in fact, I decided to make a film entirely dedicated to my own eccentricity. I would like to apologize in advance to potential viewers who thought this film might contain some sort of exposition, storytelling ability, or purpose whatsoever. The goal of this film is merely to be a self-indulgent time capsule dedicated to my strangeness. Amazingly enough, no one wanted to help me in this endeavor, so I performed basically every role myself. I didn't have a whole lot of time to allocate to trivial aspects like writing a screenplay, so characters usually said things like "I'm blue" or "I'm evil." I wanted some popular support - it really makes me feel better about myself - so I decided to employ several different art styles at the same time. Ironically, many hipsters who swore off blockbusters because of their excess FX flocked to my film because of its trendy, irregular visuals and sound. They marveled at my own ingenuity and praised my ability to make a movie that is not only strange but also abnormal, atypical, eccentric, unfamiliar, and unique. Truly, the making of this film created a new style of art, hammered the final nail in the coffin of conventional thinking and conformist ways, served as a testament to the fallacy that because something is different, it must be good, and also saved millions from eternal damnation. I guess my final message is this: dilettantes, you too can experience fulfillment by breaking traditional rules and being different. Making great art in any medium really is as simple as being strange.


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