"The Universe" (2007)
Rating ... C (41)
Given a program dedicated to the principle of humans as specks on an infinitessimally sized planet in our ever-expanding universe, is it any wonder audience under-estimation is the downfall of The History Channel's The Universe? The sun, moon, stars - and everything in between - function as reliable firestarters for The Universe's first season, but the simplistic manner in which such topics are presented makes the series reads more like My First Astronomy Lesson than the second coming of Space: The Final Frontier.
Of course, for a number of folks The Universe probably does serve as a celestial initiation. Moreover it's nearly impossible to find an aperture that satisfies all the varying cosmological backgrounds viewers will bring to the table. The problem is that all parties involved deserve better than the barrage of over-arching analogies they're given. To say that The Universe is inundated with ludicrous parallels is putting it mildly; literally every conceit ever touched upon is given its own comparison to something. The heliocentric first episode starts off on the wrong foot with a far-flung, drawn-out illustration where cue balls represent subatomic particles - because we needed the beer-and-pretzels visual metaphor for elucidation! - and later episodes only run with the concept. With Earth's bombardment by meteorites is equated to a boxing match, planetary orbits to an amusement park, and naturally, never-ending distance and proportion comparisons, The Universe's broad knowledge base begins to feel a lot closer to baby steps than intellectual leaps and bounds.
To make matters worse, a number of episodes harbor a garish disaster-movie mentality, as if to imply threatening audiences is the optimal way to retain their interest. Overtly shoddy CGI spectacles demonstrate the hypothetical havoc that gamma ray bursts, chaotic weather patterns, or impact by Near-Earth Objects would wreak were they to occur on Earth; only afterwards does a talking head emerge and admit that the odds of such an occurrence are abysmal, if not nil. For a program that professes its aim to be finding Earth's place in the cosmos, transposing its being - if only in theory - onto what makes other planets unique seems like a poor way to begin.
But there is a bright side, if only sporadically. Certain shots are obviously constructed with subtlety and purpose. A coastal scene where a scientist explains how stars generate is energy is both front-lit by a campfire and back-lit by the sun - a disaster by lighting standards - but in its physical positioning of its occupant by the campfire (representative of Earth's current technology) with the sun (nuclear fusion) in the distant background effectively illustrates the unfortunate reality that humans may be lifetimes away from such a flawless source of fuel.
And then there's the final episode of the season, which is so vastly superior to what came before it that one might be tempted to forget the preceeding mediocrity and pandering. (Actual Show Quote: "Supernova ... to the extreme!") Though still fairly repetitive and emblematic of what undermines the other thirteen installments (the analogy this time is a carnival called Einstein World), The Universe finally makes good on its promise of exploring human progress. After a brief introduction to the Big Bang, we're thrust back to Copernicus and hurtled through the gamut of astronomers and physicists from Kepler to Einstein whose accomplishments fit together to form the puzzle of our current scientific understanding of the universe. In particular, the debate between Hoyle (a proponent of universal "always has been, always will be" steady state) and Gamow / Lemaitre (purveyors of the expanding universe, Big Bang theory) reveals an uncomfortable facet of scientific pursuit. Hoyle's ideas would be proved wrong in the 60's with the discovery of cosmic background radiation, though he died in 2001, still resolute in his own beliefs and incapable of understanding why people abandoned steady state for the infinitely more unsettling (if substantiated) Big Bang theory where dark energy would eventually rip apart all matter in the expanding universe. Here, The Universe applauds mankind for overcoming subjective science, opting to label science as what we perceive as truth, not what we find to be existentially reaffirming. This episode's ability to convey universal transience and admit that Earth is hardly central, but rather on the outside looking in is ardent and awe-inspiring in every way the prior thirteen were not; bogged down by superfluous metaphor, The Universe never quite comprehends there's little point in advocating a new way of thinking if your wisdom is all imparted in terms of the old way.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Here Comes the Night Train!
(You're stupid! And you're gonna be stupid AND dead!)
Genius Party (2007)
(By segment. The shorts have nothing to do with one another so you won't need any general elucidating.)
Genius Party (2007)
Rating ... D (17)
[ One day when I visit Japan I will make it a priority to inquire why in every animated anthology of shorts the first must always be a pointless franchise announcement, here to herald the presence of all the rest - e.g. Robot Carnival, Neotokyo. I don't mean to imply that the five minutes was a complete waste of time but it's tough considering the metaphor stacks up with the animators as an electrical pulse galvanating the otherwise dull axons and dendrites (you, the audience) that make up the brain of a deranged bird (also you, the audience, albeit collectively) who happens to be strolling through a desert on its way to nowhere. (i.e. your otherwise shitty life, audience members!) Simply put, animation is a huge bright spot in my movie-watching career, and I am overjoyed that animation is a huge bright spot in my movie-watching career ... however, I do not require animation to reiterate to me that animation is a huge bright spot in my movie-watching career. Good riddance, etc. ]
Shanghai Dragon (2007)
Rating ... D (14)
[ Oddly enough, I also do not require an animation that further expands on the Role of the Animator, in this case the animator as a Talented but Ostracized and Misunderstood Genius. A young, socially awkward boy discovers a writing utensil imbued with a mystical shard that solves all his problems, including enabling him to draw food and have it spawn right in front of him. (Jesus parallel, oshiiiiiiiiii--) I'm glad animation helped you cope with all your childhood woes, animators, now if we could just cease with this irritating meta wankery. You mean humans from the apocalyptic future will revisit this time period and harvest the *incredibly imaginative!* animators that created this short? Oh. Please no. Anything but that, futuristic humans. Anything. ]
Deathtic 4 (2007)
Rating ...
[ Coming Soon ... at least, whenever I can find it. I will be eternally grateful to any scrupulous readers who can point me in the right direction for obtaining this and Limit Cycle. Maybe. ]
Doorbell (2007)
Rating ... B (62)
[ At last, a legitimate story. Nothing fancy, just a pleasing rumination on pre-marriage jitters and the melancholy of binding decisions, unopened doors, the like, easily abstracted beyond just matrimony. Somebody in the Touching Symbolism department showed up for work; unfortunately so did the folks in charge of the Ponderous Dialogue That Expounds the Nature of the Premise division. Sounds like mush, I know. See for yourself, you had to be there, etc. Would have been higher had the animation not looked like ass. What gives, People That Draw Better Than Other People unit? ]
Limit Cycle (2007)
Rating ...
[ TK ]
Happy Machine (2007)
Rating ... B- (57)
[ Decent, but more or less an interpretation playground, at least as far as the particulars of maturity are concerned. Presumably the fiery fellow is emblematic of sibling rivalry, or at very least somebody that couldn't hack it in school. (The school of fish, that is - note this concept of people losing their marbles in school probably makes more sense in Japan, or somewhere other than No Child Left Behind land.) Undoubtedly that wonky machine is the first car, though I honestly have no idea the goal of the green insectoid. (It looks similar in form to the car so at first I thought it was a small, efficient, "green" car, hence why it recycles our hero's urine WTF WTF WTF WTF! Then again, he never rides it. I got served!) Best part is likely the old man ending, not solely because it features less in the way of baby noises and gurgling, but rather because all the incidents from prior in the story resurface as dangling occupants in the new child's mobile - a keen observation on the goal of a parent to pass on knowledge and understanding to their progeny. Apparently, in Japan, fatherhood = resigning oneself to the economic machine, never to see one's child ever again. All Japanese children grew up alone. Also, childhood drawn as animation, adulthood portrayed as live-action. Of all people, the animators aren't even on my side in that debate? Sheesh. ]
Baby Blue (2007)
Rating ... A- (89)
[ Reviewed with Powers of Ten (1968). ]
Genius Party (2007)
(By segment. The shorts have nothing to do with one another so you won't need any general elucidating.)
Genius Party (2007)
Rating ... D (17)
[ One day when I visit Japan I will make it a priority to inquire why in every animated anthology of shorts the first must always be a pointless franchise announcement, here to herald the presence of all the rest - e.g. Robot Carnival, Neotokyo. I don't mean to imply that the five minutes was a complete waste of time but it's tough considering the metaphor stacks up with the animators as an electrical pulse galvanating the otherwise dull axons and dendrites (you, the audience) that make up the brain of a deranged bird (also you, the audience, albeit collectively) who happens to be strolling through a desert on its way to nowhere. (i.e. your otherwise shitty life, audience members!) Simply put, animation is a huge bright spot in my movie-watching career, and I am overjoyed that animation is a huge bright spot in my movie-watching career ... however, I do not require animation to reiterate to me that animation is a huge bright spot in my movie-watching career. Good riddance, etc. ]
Shanghai Dragon (2007)
Rating ... D (14)
[ Oddly enough, I also do not require an animation that further expands on the Role of the Animator, in this case the animator as a Talented but Ostracized and Misunderstood Genius. A young, socially awkward boy discovers a writing utensil imbued with a mystical shard that solves all his problems, including enabling him to draw food and have it spawn right in front of him. (Jesus parallel, oshiiiiiiiiii--) I'm glad animation helped you cope with all your childhood woes, animators, now if we could just cease with this irritating meta wankery. You mean humans from the apocalyptic future will revisit this time period and harvest the *incredibly imaginative!* animators that created this short? Oh. Please no. Anything but that, futuristic humans. Anything. ]
Deathtic 4 (2007)
Rating ...
[ Coming Soon ... at least, whenever I can find it. I will be eternally grateful to any scrupulous readers who can point me in the right direction for obtaining this and Limit Cycle. Maybe. ]
Doorbell (2007)
Rating ... B (62)
[ At last, a legitimate story. Nothing fancy, just a pleasing rumination on pre-marriage jitters and the melancholy of binding decisions, unopened doors, the like, easily abstracted beyond just matrimony. Somebody in the Touching Symbolism department showed up for work; unfortunately so did the folks in charge of the Ponderous Dialogue That Expounds the Nature of the Premise division. Sounds like mush, I know. See for yourself, you had to be there, etc. Would have been higher had the animation not looked like ass. What gives, People That Draw Better Than Other People unit? ]
Limit Cycle (2007)
Rating ...
[ TK ]
Happy Machine (2007)
Rating ... B- (57)
[ Decent, but more or less an interpretation playground, at least as far as the particulars of maturity are concerned. Presumably the fiery fellow is emblematic of sibling rivalry, or at very least somebody that couldn't hack it in school. (The school of fish, that is - note this concept of people losing their marbles in school probably makes more sense in Japan, or somewhere other than No Child Left Behind land.) Undoubtedly that wonky machine is the first car, though I honestly have no idea the goal of the green insectoid. (It looks similar in form to the car so at first I thought it was a small, efficient, "green" car, hence why it recycles our hero's urine WTF WTF WTF WTF! Then again, he never rides it. I got served!) Best part is likely the old man ending, not solely because it features less in the way of baby noises and gurgling, but rather because all the incidents from prior in the story resurface as dangling occupants in the new child's mobile - a keen observation on the goal of a parent to pass on knowledge and understanding to their progeny. Apparently, in Japan, fatherhood = resigning oneself to the economic machine, never to see one's child ever again. All Japanese children grew up alone. Also, childhood drawn as animation, adulthood portrayed as live-action. Of all people, the animators aren't even on my side in that debate? Sheesh. ]
Baby Blue (2007)
Rating ... A- (89)
[ Reviewed with Powers of Ten (1968). ]
The Black Dragon Live On!
(Never, Sorcerer!)
The Game Plan (2007)
Rating ... D (16)
IMDb's list of keywords associated with The Game Plan appears to be a bit lacking, so I figure I'll help out. Equally worthy candidates include:
- Precocious Kid
- Dwayne Johnson In Smile Overdrive Mode
- Ballet / Football Gender Politics
- Burlesque Support Characters
- Attempted Custody Battle
- Perfunctory Romance
- Fakeout Finale
- You GO Nike!
- Icon Where Self-Centered Sports Star Figures Out Kinship Is More Important Than Career
- Spoilers In The Keywords
- Conspicuously Planted Mise-en-Scène
- Slow Motion
- Slow Motion
- Slow Motion
- Obvious Dramatic Signposting
- Fart Joke
- Buy Your Kids Stuff To Win Them Over
- Capitalize Every Word
- Better Than Gridiron Gang, If You're Bored Enough To Make The Distinction
Hitman (2007)
Rating ... D+ (26)
HITMAN: The Super-Abrigded Script
Enter: Who Cares
RUSSIAN HO
I'm a ho. It's not my fault.
HITMAN
k.
Later...
HITMAN
Your negligence turned this bitch into
a ho. Normally I'm only concerned
about myself btw.
RUSSIAN PRESIDENT
k.
BLAM!
INTERPOL AGENT
Got ya.
HITMAN
Nope. I'm pro.
THE END
We Are the Strange (2007)
Rating ... F (2)
Hi guys. My name is M. Dot Strange. It's like M. Night Shyamalan, but stranger. I made this film. It's called We Are the Strange. If you haven't realized it by now, I guess I'll just mention that I'm a very strange fellow. So strange, in fact, I decided to make a film entirely dedicated to my own eccentricity. I would like to apologize in advance to potential viewers who thought this film might contain some sort of exposition, storytelling ability, or purpose whatsoever. The goal of this film is merely to be a self-indulgent time capsule dedicated to my strangeness. Amazingly enough, no one wanted to help me in this endeavor, so I performed basically every role myself. I didn't have a whole lot of time to allocate to trivial aspects like writing a screenplay, so characters usually said things like "I'm blue" or "I'm evil." I wanted some popular support - it really makes me feel better about myself - so I decided to employ several different art styles at the same time. Ironically, many hipsters who swore off blockbusters because of their excess FX flocked to my film because of its trendy, irregular visuals and sound. They marveled at my own ingenuity and praised my ability to make a movie that is not only strange but also abnormal, atypical, eccentric, unfamiliar, and unique. Truly, the making of this film created a new style of art, hammered the final nail in the coffin of conventional thinking and conformist ways, served as a testament to the fallacy that because something is different, it must be good, and also saved millions from eternal damnation. I guess my final message is this: dilettantes, you too can experience fulfillment by breaking traditional rules and being different. Making great art in any medium really is as simple as being strange.
-
The Game Plan (2007)
Rating ... D (16)
IMDb's list of keywords associated with The Game Plan appears to be a bit lacking, so I figure I'll help out. Equally worthy candidates include:
- Precocious Kid
- Dwayne Johnson In Smile Overdrive Mode
- Ballet / Football Gender Politics
- Burlesque Support Characters
- Attempted Custody Battle
- Perfunctory Romance
- Fakeout Finale
- You GO Nike!
- Icon Where Self-Centered Sports Star Figures Out Kinship Is More Important Than Career
- Spoilers In The Keywords
- Conspicuously Planted Mise-en-Scène
- Slow Motion
- Slow Motion
- Slow Motion
- Obvious Dramatic Signposting
- Fart Joke
- Buy Your Kids Stuff To Win Them Over
- Capitalize Every Word
- Better Than Gridiron Gang, If You're Bored Enough To Make The Distinction
Hitman (2007)
Rating ... D+ (26)
HITMAN: The Super-Abrigded Script
Enter: Who Cares
RUSSIAN HO
I'm a ho. It's not my fault.
HITMAN
k.
Later...
HITMAN
Your negligence turned this bitch into
a ho. Normally I'm only concerned
about myself btw.
RUSSIAN PRESIDENT
k.
BLAM!
INTERPOL AGENT
Got ya.
HITMAN
Nope. I'm pro.
THE END
We Are the Strange (2007)
Rating ... F (2)
Hi guys. My name is M. Dot Strange. It's like M. Night Shyamalan, but stranger. I made this film. It's called We Are the Strange. If you haven't realized it by now, I guess I'll just mention that I'm a very strange fellow. So strange, in fact, I decided to make a film entirely dedicated to my own eccentricity. I would like to apologize in advance to potential viewers who thought this film might contain some sort of exposition, storytelling ability, or purpose whatsoever. The goal of this film is merely to be a self-indulgent time capsule dedicated to my strangeness. Amazingly enough, no one wanted to help me in this endeavor, so I performed basically every role myself. I didn't have a whole lot of time to allocate to trivial aspects like writing a screenplay, so characters usually said things like "I'm blue" or "I'm evil." I wanted some popular support - it really makes me feel better about myself - so I decided to employ several different art styles at the same time. Ironically, many hipsters who swore off blockbusters because of their excess FX flocked to my film because of its trendy, irregular visuals and sound. They marveled at my own ingenuity and praised my ability to make a movie that is not only strange but also abnormal, atypical, eccentric, unfamiliar, and unique. Truly, the making of this film created a new style of art, hammered the final nail in the coffin of conventional thinking and conformist ways, served as a testament to the fallacy that because something is different, it must be good, and also saved millions from eternal damnation. I guess my final message is this: dilettantes, you too can experience fulfillment by breaking traditional rules and being different. Making great art in any medium really is as simple as being strange.
-
Hokay, So Here's Teh Earth
How the Earth Was Made (2007)
Rating ... B+ (78)
TV movies be damned, not entirely because they're - well - TV movies but also because it seems that 75% of them are about avian influenza and top-this natural disasters. (Category ... 6!) So what should follow here is a discourse on How the Earth Was Made bucks the trend, but in all honesty director Peter Chinn's expansive depiction of Earth's 4.6 billion year lifetime is really just one massive disaster after another - meteor impacts followed by glacial advance followed by volcanoes. So what's the difference? In the equation of eruptions caused by subducting oceanic plates plus pointless hysteria, Chinn wisely removes the latter variable.
For everyone who had their fill of disaster flicks in the 90's, don't bail just yet. There's also a great deal of collegiate geology present. Dinosaurs. Diamonds and coal. Fossils. Climatology. Plate tectonics. The origin of water. Stromatolites, supercontinents, and Earth as a giant snowball? In what's habitually the safest multiple choice response, how about all of the above?
But wait... there's more! You're probably wondering why the largely factual How the Earth Was Made deserves to be a film rather than stay in the domain of illustrated textbooks. Aside from the talking heads there's hardly a human to be found in the remaining footage, and it's not merely coincidence this absence fits snugly with Chinn's implicit perspective on the relative brevity of human progress. In one telling scene, weeds in the foreground are used to obstruct the view of the camera until they are pushed aside to reveal the Manhattan skyline lingering indistinctly behind them. Chinn understands that from his film's vantage point, man's accomplishments are more the novelty, a product of time and chance fortunate enough to develop in spite of its homeland's volatile nature. When the film's visual timeline reaches present day, the expected ho-hum lecture on man's reign over the Earth is terse and modest, before Chinn simply hurtles onward to the Earth's future of continued ice ages, continental drift, and eventual demise.
But Chinn's vision isn't all doom and gloom. His talking heads pay homage to their predecessors, and in some respects How the Earth Was Made functions as a paean to the unheralded scientists who in their pursuit of truth were rewarded with public indifference, contempt, and even expiration. Their intellectual discoveries enabled descendants to probe further into the Earth's secrets, and the film juxtaposes this exponential growth of knowledge between human generations against the facts about Earth that geologists and climatologists were actually learning: that our planet is regulated, balanced, and subject to limitation. Ice ages alternate with interglaciation, elements are maintained in atmospheric and biological cycles, and mountains are bolstered by uplift to the extent they're stymied by erosion. These principles are contrasted with Chinn's closing commentary about mankind's ability to emerge from insignificance. However titanic its duration, Earth is an entity with a lifespan, and as humans ultimately diverge from its fate they achieve what other species have failed to accomplish: to transcend their ancestors. The irony of this optimism is that possibly the year's most humanistic subtext occurs in a film where the fewest of them are actually featured. Who could have seen that coming?
Rating ... B+ (78)
TV movies be damned, not entirely because they're - well - TV movies but also because it seems that 75% of them are about avian influenza and top-this natural disasters. (Category ... 6!) So what should follow here is a discourse on How the Earth Was Made bucks the trend, but in all honesty director Peter Chinn's expansive depiction of Earth's 4.6 billion year lifetime is really just one massive disaster after another - meteor impacts followed by glacial advance followed by volcanoes. So what's the difference? In the equation of eruptions caused by subducting oceanic plates plus pointless hysteria, Chinn wisely removes the latter variable.
For everyone who had their fill of disaster flicks in the 90's, don't bail just yet. There's also a great deal of collegiate geology present. Dinosaurs. Diamonds and coal. Fossils. Climatology. Plate tectonics. The origin of water. Stromatolites, supercontinents, and Earth as a giant snowball? In what's habitually the safest multiple choice response, how about all of the above?
But wait... there's more! You're probably wondering why the largely factual How the Earth Was Made deserves to be a film rather than stay in the domain of illustrated textbooks. Aside from the talking heads there's hardly a human to be found in the remaining footage, and it's not merely coincidence this absence fits snugly with Chinn's implicit perspective on the relative brevity of human progress. In one telling scene, weeds in the foreground are used to obstruct the view of the camera until they are pushed aside to reveal the Manhattan skyline lingering indistinctly behind them. Chinn understands that from his film's vantage point, man's accomplishments are more the novelty, a product of time and chance fortunate enough to develop in spite of its homeland's volatile nature. When the film's visual timeline reaches present day, the expected ho-hum lecture on man's reign over the Earth is terse and modest, before Chinn simply hurtles onward to the Earth's future of continued ice ages, continental drift, and eventual demise.
But Chinn's vision isn't all doom and gloom. His talking heads pay homage to their predecessors, and in some respects How the Earth Was Made functions as a paean to the unheralded scientists who in their pursuit of truth were rewarded with public indifference, contempt, and even expiration. Their intellectual discoveries enabled descendants to probe further into the Earth's secrets, and the film juxtaposes this exponential growth of knowledge between human generations against the facts about Earth that geologists and climatologists were actually learning: that our planet is regulated, balanced, and subject to limitation. Ice ages alternate with interglaciation, elements are maintained in atmospheric and biological cycles, and mountains are bolstered by uplift to the extent they're stymied by erosion. These principles are contrasted with Chinn's closing commentary about mankind's ability to emerge from insignificance. However titanic its duration, Earth is an entity with a lifespan, and as humans ultimately diverge from its fate they achieve what other species have failed to accomplish: to transcend their ancestors. The irony of this optimism is that possibly the year's most humanistic subtext occurs in a film where the fewest of them are actually featured. Who could have seen that coming?
I'm a Policeman ... See Mah Badge?
The Brave One (2007)
Rating ... F (8)
Women need faux-empowerment movies too, and since the reprehensible likes of Double Jeopardy and Enough apparently weren't - uh - enough, why not give it another go, this time envisioning the concept to the tune of Paul Haggis does Ms. 45 with the added bonus of defining female empowerment as women partaking in the same revenge plots men have slugged through since insert-your-own-Western-here? Throw in some dime novel dialogue and more narrative deck-stacking than De Sica ever committed with his like-minded, ruffians-on-every-street-corner mentality from The Bicycle Thief, and you've got yourself a sweet deal. There's so much to dislike in The Brave One I'm having difficulty deciding which segments rank as most offensive. Certainly the film's periodic reinforcing of violence (first by cross-cutting between beaten, hospitalized victims and sex, later by completely explicit dialogue - "I think violence is sexy!") seems vile, but not especially more so than the film's templated use of religious iconography and obtrusive, unwieldy writing. ("Places I've never encountered before," muses Jodie Foster during her radio show, a flimsy outlet for bluntly demarcating her generic pyschological self-analysis, "Am I finding them ... or are they finding me?") After getting clobbered by local hooligans (this happens in big cities, y'know) during the film's first act, Foster illegally obtains a firearm and goes renegade on the asses of arbitrarily misbehaving, male New York residents, and the film responds by validating her decision nearly unconditionally, a conceit laughably embraced to its fullest when she guns down not just any convenient store robber, but one who dutifully employed his five seconds of screen time to forcibly assert his desire for custody of his wife's - the store clerk - children. Seemingly snatched straight out of Crash, Terrence Howard plays lead detective who performs cleanup on Foster's dirty work, all the while making lame statements upon arrival at the scenes of the crimes ("Hope this was his stop!" "The circus is in town tonight!") and drawing hazy, contrived conclusions from the "evidence" on hand, complete with Haggis-like deduction. "Money in his pocket ... ?" he remarks confusedly of a deceased, black subway mugger, with the implicit racial condescension on the tip of his tongue: "Black people don't have money in their pockets ... he must have robbed someone!" What finally happens to Foster after all this wreckage, you might ask. Surprisingly little, given she spends the entire film heavy-handedly surmising about her post-traumatic self as "the person I once was" and "the stranger inside of me." The film rewards her as being brave because she chooses vengeance over recovery, and thus she encounters stock character after stock character who also share this philosophy of mutually assured destruction, the most baffling of which has to be her black next-door neighbor who dresses her wounds one evening over tales of how "young boys" from her unnamed country of origin "were given guns to kill their parents." Ignoring the obvious racial contempt of the situation, its very presence constitutes a sentiment the film backs as much as it does any of its other dull, obvious themes. Namely, women can be magical negroes too!
The Astronaut Farmer (2007)
Rating ... D (13)
Will Billy Bob Thornton ascend into space on the coattails of his home-made rocket, despite the brutish antagonism of the henchmen from the FAA, and prove to American audiences the sanctity of dreams and the personal gratitude of pursuing them? Yes, he will. The End. It's a shame Astronaut Farmer doesn't just up and end the moment after Thornton emits a feisty speech about dreams in response to the government bigwigs presiding over the hearing that will decide whether he's officially allowed to travel to space because in the hour or so that follows the film only grows increasingly wearisome with its banal, manipulative drama yet becomes more fixated on its narrow-minded target of fulfilling one's - ugh, there's that word again - dreams. Thus, watching The Astronaut Farmer feels uncomfortably akin to a project submitted by someone with no clue what's going on but wants bonus points just for trying. Such good intentions, unfortunately, are the only armaments in The Astronaut Farmer's limited arsenal that don't feel incredibly outdated or dull. The subject matter isn't completely hackneyed, persay (though when Thornton finally decides upon a name for his rocket he calls it "The Dreamer" - so maybe it is), but the Polish brothers' hand-holding screenplay makes everything explicit. I guess I already mentioned The Astronaut Farmer might possibly pertain to Dreams and Following Them but the film's other pointless shout-outs include WMD's, The Patriot Act, and alternative fuels, as well as a minor character who exists solely to pontificate in awe on how "huge" Billy Bob's rocket is. (That, and all its prosaic connotations then apply to his quest for dream fulfillment, by extension.) The authorities routinely put the squeeze on Thornton's zero-G quest but in all the commotion everyone seems to forget his obsession is entirely self-serving and detrimental to the well-being of his family to boot, which makes it doubly offensive that his wife and kids are the ones that finally persuade him into space after his first failed attempt. I suppose I can live with such juvenile tunnel vision of dream seeking, but would someone please explain how after twelve planetary orbits Thornton inexplicably manages to touch down roughly in the same place he blasted off? Learn ya physics, kids - that's the real lesson.
The Last Legion (2007)
Rating ... C (41)
In 460 A.D., a legion of soliders - the last legion, you could say - despite diversified roots banded together to protect a young Caesar from multifarious and nefarious foes. Their brave not-quite-last stand saw them beat the shit out of their opponents in the name of peace and truth and such, and they proved the insurmountability of brotherhood, the importance of mythos, the capability of women, as well as demonstrated the most foolproof method of kicking evil villains into burning trees - exploits that would ultimately form the basis for the legend of Arthur and Excalibur. Viewers who wish to learn what ultimately formed the basis of the legend of Arthur and Excalibur should surely check this movie out.
... Just don't believe a thing you see about the use of the guillotine. Anachronism Department under-shot that one by almost a thousand years.
-
Rating ... F (8)
Women need faux-empowerment movies too, and since the reprehensible likes of Double Jeopardy and Enough apparently weren't - uh - enough, why not give it another go, this time envisioning the concept to the tune of Paul Haggis does Ms. 45 with the added bonus of defining female empowerment as women partaking in the same revenge plots men have slugged through since insert-your-own-Western-here? Throw in some dime novel dialogue and more narrative deck-stacking than De Sica ever committed with his like-minded, ruffians-on-every-street-corner mentality from The Bicycle Thief, and you've got yourself a sweet deal. There's so much to dislike in The Brave One I'm having difficulty deciding which segments rank as most offensive. Certainly the film's periodic reinforcing of violence (first by cross-cutting between beaten, hospitalized victims and sex, later by completely explicit dialogue - "I think violence is sexy!") seems vile, but not especially more so than the film's templated use of religious iconography and obtrusive, unwieldy writing. ("Places I've never encountered before," muses Jodie Foster during her radio show, a flimsy outlet for bluntly demarcating her generic pyschological self-analysis, "Am I finding them ... or are they finding me?") After getting clobbered by local hooligans (this happens in big cities, y'know) during the film's first act, Foster illegally obtains a firearm and goes renegade on the asses of arbitrarily misbehaving, male New York residents, and the film responds by validating her decision nearly unconditionally, a conceit laughably embraced to its fullest when she guns down not just any convenient store robber, but one who dutifully employed his five seconds of screen time to forcibly assert his desire for custody of his wife's - the store clerk - children. Seemingly snatched straight out of Crash, Terrence Howard plays lead detective who performs cleanup on Foster's dirty work, all the while making lame statements upon arrival at the scenes of the crimes ("Hope this was his stop!" "The circus is in town tonight!") and drawing hazy, contrived conclusions from the "evidence" on hand, complete with Haggis-like deduction. "Money in his pocket ... ?" he remarks confusedly of a deceased, black subway mugger, with the implicit racial condescension on the tip of his tongue: "Black people don't have money in their pockets ... he must have robbed someone!" What finally happens to Foster after all this wreckage, you might ask. Surprisingly little, given she spends the entire film heavy-handedly surmising about her post-traumatic self as "the person I once was" and "the stranger inside of me." The film rewards her as being brave because she chooses vengeance over recovery, and thus she encounters stock character after stock character who also share this philosophy of mutually assured destruction, the most baffling of which has to be her black next-door neighbor who dresses her wounds one evening over tales of how "young boys" from her unnamed country of origin "were given guns to kill their parents." Ignoring the obvious racial contempt of the situation, its very presence constitutes a sentiment the film backs as much as it does any of its other dull, obvious themes. Namely, women can be magical negroes too!
The Astronaut Farmer (2007)
Rating ... D (13)
Will Billy Bob Thornton ascend into space on the coattails of his home-made rocket, despite the brutish antagonism of the henchmen from the FAA, and prove to American audiences the sanctity of dreams and the personal gratitude of pursuing them? Yes, he will. The End. It's a shame Astronaut Farmer doesn't just up and end the moment after Thornton emits a feisty speech about dreams in response to the government bigwigs presiding over the hearing that will decide whether he's officially allowed to travel to space because in the hour or so that follows the film only grows increasingly wearisome with its banal, manipulative drama yet becomes more fixated on its narrow-minded target of fulfilling one's - ugh, there's that word again - dreams. Thus, watching The Astronaut Farmer feels uncomfortably akin to a project submitted by someone with no clue what's going on but wants bonus points just for trying. Such good intentions, unfortunately, are the only armaments in The Astronaut Farmer's limited arsenal that don't feel incredibly outdated or dull. The subject matter isn't completely hackneyed, persay (though when Thornton finally decides upon a name for his rocket he calls it "The Dreamer" - so maybe it is), but the Polish brothers' hand-holding screenplay makes everything explicit. I guess I already mentioned The Astronaut Farmer might possibly pertain to Dreams and Following Them but the film's other pointless shout-outs include WMD's, The Patriot Act, and alternative fuels, as well as a minor character who exists solely to pontificate in awe on how "huge" Billy Bob's rocket is. (That, and all its prosaic connotations then apply to his quest for dream fulfillment, by extension.) The authorities routinely put the squeeze on Thornton's zero-G quest but in all the commotion everyone seems to forget his obsession is entirely self-serving and detrimental to the well-being of his family to boot, which makes it doubly offensive that his wife and kids are the ones that finally persuade him into space after his first failed attempt. I suppose I can live with such juvenile tunnel vision of dream seeking, but would someone please explain how after twelve planetary orbits Thornton inexplicably manages to touch down roughly in the same place he blasted off? Learn ya physics, kids - that's the real lesson.
The Last Legion (2007)
Rating ... C (41)
In 460 A.D., a legion of soliders - the last legion, you could say - despite diversified roots banded together to protect a young Caesar from multifarious and nefarious foes. Their brave not-quite-last stand saw them beat the shit out of their opponents in the name of peace and truth and such, and they proved the insurmountability of brotherhood, the importance of mythos, the capability of women, as well as demonstrated the most foolproof method of kicking evil villains into burning trees - exploits that would ultimately form the basis for the legend of Arthur and Excalibur. Viewers who wish to learn what ultimately formed the basis of the legend of Arthur and Excalibur should surely check this movie out.
... Just don't believe a thing you see about the use of the guillotine. Anachronism Department under-shot that one by almost a thousand years.
-
Punch the Keys for God's Sake!
Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
Rating ... A- (85)
Few cineastes associate sequels with quality, and until recently the Die Hard series has given them little motivation to change. Things have only gotten more bizarre for the franchise since John McClane's oft-emulated escapade in the solid but unexceptional first Die Hard. Renny Harlin's blatant knock-off Die Harder transplanted the exact same scenario to D.C. and the Dulles before proceeding to play out identically, only with more parties involved (e.g. airport officials, military specialists, government agents) and thus more masculine bluster and irritating, subtext-free bravura while the third installment wisely abandoned the grammar school comparative-superlative title structure and further slid into lunacy as it forced McClane to gallavant around NYC wearing a sign that - ahem - professed indignation for black people before recruiting Samuel L. for an empty but oddly resourceful and suitably diverting romp.
You've probably deduced two things from the admittedly silly title Live Free or Die Hard, and you're absolutely correct. No, the series has not regained any of its wits, and yes the film is primarily a study of extreme patriotism. If you're mulling over that last point, consider that in a sense, with its newest film the series has finally stumbled upon affecting material. Having failed to provide audiences with a reason to emotionally give a shit when it comes to John's generic failed marriage (twice) or his surrogate partner's kid, Live Free or Die Hard wisely opts for higher stakes. McClane does his thing this time around because his impudent daughter is in jeopardy, but we care because the film's ramifications are earnestly and skillfully political and ethical.
If you hadn't heard, John McClane is pretty much in the crapper. Die Hard with a Vengeance divulges he's an apathetic alcoholic now that his wife finally up and left him, and with Live Free or Die Hard we see that he hasn't found a better outlet for his time than meddling in his daughter's affairs. In fact, he's actually - small spoiler - a completely static main character as the world evolves around him, which proves beneficial because the film uses his character for subtext rather than Screenwriting 101 tropes where losers attain capital R-Redemption.
But something has changed about McClane. As he battles his way through opponents who are consistently better trained and more informed than himself, inexplicably coming out on top, usually in some hilarious instance of absurd carnage, his general antiquatedness only becomes more obvious and it dawns on you McClane is no longer a hero. Nor is he the superhero in disguise that other folks have astutely posited; this guy is an antihero in every sense of the role, and the fact he actually accomplishes something (besides wanton destruction) during the course of the film is genuinely unsettling.
But this begs the question: why should we want an antihero to win? The answer is because he embodies the status quo of our country's truculent foreign policy, which the film pits against the shrewd but equally vengeful Timothy Olyphant whose well-intentioned plan of national improvement involves a complete overhaul from the ground up. While a few people seem to have noticed this figuratism behind Willis's gung-ho ideology, what they haven't yet grasped is that Live Free or Die Hard is a battle between two flawed factions, and that McClane is victorious shouldn't be construed as an affirmation of his outdated stance. The most notable thing Live Free or Die Hard does to make sure you aren't identifying with its protagonist is simply make him as offensively archaic as possible, beginning with his incredibly over-the-top abuse of women before, during, and after he smacks them around. (50% off the top anyone?) "Enough of this kung fu shit!" mutters Willis in response to getting kicked in the face by Maggie Q, which is funny, y'know, because he uses the words "kung fu shit," but also because it's another devious blow at Willis's red-blooded, renegade patriotism. This is director Len Wiseman's subtle attempt at ushering out the go-America tunnel vision that reduces the importance of other cultures to clichés and catchphrases.
Like Die Hard with a Vengeance, McClane finds a makeshift partner, this time in Justin Long's Matt Farrell, a hacker with precious insight about the high-tech method Olyphant uses to attack the national infrastructure. The generation gap between the two makes Long an effective foil; in one of Live Free or Die Hard's few stabs at reality, the two clash on every conceivable issue or stance. Surprisingly economical in its characterization, this dichotomy is best exemplified by a scene nested between the film's numerous gleeful firefights that finds Olyphant's squad of programmers hijacking the country's airwaves to broadcast fabricated footage of the white house in ruins. The maneuver is solely a form of intimidation from one generation to another, designed to mock older individuals who place value in tangible things as opposed to concepts or data.
That McClane and Farrell actually manage to meet in the middle on something attests to Live Free or Die Hard's notions about political transition. McClane's brief lament about the fruits of heroism - anonymity, exhaustion, and instability - makes the statement that political duty is currently upheld by individuals increasingly overwhelmed by the complexity of new issues and incapable of conceding the office to a generation of politically ambivalent. Yet there's a sense of the baton passing in this relationship between the old and young on a human level - the notion conveyed that government is a symbol of people's willingness to serve others, and that acceptance of this burden of selflessness marks true heroism. Commendable and questionable traits from both age groups are portrayed even-handedly without the culmination of a winner, though a beautiful crane shot (okay, it's not a crane shot, but it has cranes in it) closes the film on an optimistic note, emblematic of a nation that can recover and rebuild after turmoil. John McClane is more of a loon than ever, but with Live Free or Die Hard there's a method to the madness.
Rating ... A- (85)
Few cineastes associate sequels with quality, and until recently the Die Hard series has given them little motivation to change. Things have only gotten more bizarre for the franchise since John McClane's oft-emulated escapade in the solid but unexceptional first Die Hard. Renny Harlin's blatant knock-off Die Harder transplanted the exact same scenario to D.C. and the Dulles before proceeding to play out identically, only with more parties involved (e.g. airport officials, military specialists, government agents) and thus more masculine bluster and irritating, subtext-free bravura while the third installment wisely abandoned the grammar school comparative-superlative title structure and further slid into lunacy as it forced McClane to gallavant around NYC wearing a sign that - ahem - professed indignation for black people before recruiting Samuel L. for an empty but oddly resourceful and suitably diverting romp.
You've probably deduced two things from the admittedly silly title Live Free or Die Hard, and you're absolutely correct. No, the series has not regained any of its wits, and yes the film is primarily a study of extreme patriotism. If you're mulling over that last point, consider that in a sense, with its newest film the series has finally stumbled upon affecting material. Having failed to provide audiences with a reason to emotionally give a shit when it comes to John's generic failed marriage (twice) or his surrogate partner's kid, Live Free or Die Hard wisely opts for higher stakes. McClane does his thing this time around because his impudent daughter is in jeopardy, but we care because the film's ramifications are earnestly and skillfully political and ethical.
If you hadn't heard, John McClane is pretty much in the crapper. Die Hard with a Vengeance divulges he's an apathetic alcoholic now that his wife finally up and left him, and with Live Free or Die Hard we see that he hasn't found a better outlet for his time than meddling in his daughter's affairs. In fact, he's actually - small spoiler - a completely static main character as the world evolves around him, which proves beneficial because the film uses his character for subtext rather than Screenwriting 101 tropes where losers attain capital R-Redemption.
But something has changed about McClane. As he battles his way through opponents who are consistently better trained and more informed than himself, inexplicably coming out on top, usually in some hilarious instance of absurd carnage, his general antiquatedness only becomes more obvious and it dawns on you McClane is no longer a hero. Nor is he the superhero in disguise that other folks have astutely posited; this guy is an antihero in every sense of the role, and the fact he actually accomplishes something (besides wanton destruction) during the course of the film is genuinely unsettling.
But this begs the question: why should we want an antihero to win? The answer is because he embodies the status quo of our country's truculent foreign policy, which the film pits against the shrewd but equally vengeful Timothy Olyphant whose well-intentioned plan of national improvement involves a complete overhaul from the ground up. While a few people seem to have noticed this figuratism behind Willis's gung-ho ideology, what they haven't yet grasped is that Live Free or Die Hard is a battle between two flawed factions, and that McClane is victorious shouldn't be construed as an affirmation of his outdated stance. The most notable thing Live Free or Die Hard does to make sure you aren't identifying with its protagonist is simply make him as offensively archaic as possible, beginning with his incredibly over-the-top abuse of women before, during, and after he smacks them around. (50% off the top anyone?) "Enough of this kung fu shit!" mutters Willis in response to getting kicked in the face by Maggie Q, which is funny, y'know, because he uses the words "kung fu shit," but also because it's another devious blow at Willis's red-blooded, renegade patriotism. This is director Len Wiseman's subtle attempt at ushering out the go-America tunnel vision that reduces the importance of other cultures to clichés and catchphrases.
Like Die Hard with a Vengeance, McClane finds a makeshift partner, this time in Justin Long's Matt Farrell, a hacker with precious insight about the high-tech method Olyphant uses to attack the national infrastructure. The generation gap between the two makes Long an effective foil; in one of Live Free or Die Hard's few stabs at reality, the two clash on every conceivable issue or stance. Surprisingly economical in its characterization, this dichotomy is best exemplified by a scene nested between the film's numerous gleeful firefights that finds Olyphant's squad of programmers hijacking the country's airwaves to broadcast fabricated footage of the white house in ruins. The maneuver is solely a form of intimidation from one generation to another, designed to mock older individuals who place value in tangible things as opposed to concepts or data.
That McClane and Farrell actually manage to meet in the middle on something attests to Live Free or Die Hard's notions about political transition. McClane's brief lament about the fruits of heroism - anonymity, exhaustion, and instability - makes the statement that political duty is currently upheld by individuals increasingly overwhelmed by the complexity of new issues and incapable of conceding the office to a generation of politically ambivalent. Yet there's a sense of the baton passing in this relationship between the old and young on a human level - the notion conveyed that government is a symbol of people's willingness to serve others, and that acceptance of this burden of selflessness marks true heroism. Commendable and questionable traits from both age groups are portrayed even-handedly without the culmination of a winner, though a beautiful crane shot (okay, it's not a crane shot, but it has cranes in it) closes the film on an optimistic note, emblematic of a nation that can recover and rebuild after turmoil. John McClane is more of a loon than ever, but with Live Free or Die Hard there's a method to the madness.
The Short, Short Version
Nancy Drew (2007)
Rating ... B+ (73)
Neither a crackerjack paean to ancient history and traditional values nor the girl-power rebuff you'd sort of expect given the polarity of the book series in relation to The Hardy Boys, I'm pleased to report that Nancy Drew, with notable tact, does a pretty exceptional job of transcending its literary beginnings. (Tally this one up alongside Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, basically.) Creative changes are immediately apparent, though one would be hard-pressed not to expand on a literary figure whose sole feature was boyish spunk. Clearly a fish-out-of-water parable, free of condescenscion thankfully, Nancy Drew's outlook on old vs. new begins in the classroom, amusingly emphasizing her antiquatedness as one of those cretins who actually wants to learn and reciprocate enthusiasm at school. Fortunately for us, the film smartly demarcates the issue, carefully divulging that Nancy's overachieving doesn't stem from elitism; though her methods may be crafty at times, she never seems unusually resourceful or unusually intelligent - just unusually prepared. Again on the mark, writers Tiffany Paulsen and Andrew Fleming slyly bypass the old Nancy Drew's encompassing, you-go-girl confidence in favor of cheerful insecurity; Nancy's assuredness is unmistakable, but just as much so the accompanying image of her en route to Hollywood with bags in tow, her wheeled suitcase actually just a backpack precariously strapped to a wheeler - the joke is worth a chuckle, but more importantly it suggests that everyone has some sort of image they feel they must live up to, even kids as dead-set as Nancy. I'm pretty much prepared to take qualms about the narrative in stride; no doubt Nancy, like every other teen day-saver resides in a world of inadequate adults, but surely there's some slack when it results in scenes like Nancy investigating the set of a Bruce Willis 50's noir film, citing anachronisms left and right. That having been said, the mystery itself and the motivation behind it is disappointingly simple, merely a case of business greed, which means the entire ordeal plays second fiddle to Fleming's aimless assortment of ideas rather than domineering the film and reinforcing concept of obsolescence. Nevertheless, the film has the good sense to keep Nancy front and center, defending her at all costs, which might seem shady until you realize the point isn't to ham-fistedly promote old-timey tradition, but rather to explore Nancy's elusive connection to the past. It isn't by chance Nancy always seems distracted in the present (remarkably casual facing death threats and such!), and a third-act exchange nicely lets on that her sleuthing involves filling an emotional void, reconciling problems from the past to mend feelings in the present. The film comprehends Nancy's struggle to compartmentalize empathy as she does her meals or work tools, as evidenced by a scene where her attempts to rationalize the situation with her would-be beau come out in a confused jumble. There's even a wee bit of melancholy as the film toys with the antediluvian notions of neighborly trust, which makes sense given Nancy's incessant cheerfulness and overall obliviousness to verbal abuse is grounded in the principle everyone is inherently benevolent, and really only shaken when she sustains deliberate, personal attacks, by way of a gym-period practical joke - or, of course, getting shot at by crooks. Entertaining, adorable, and then some, though I'd quite like to figure out why an arbitrary salute to single parenting hijacked the ending; as far as I'm concerned, that's a mystery worth solving.
(Second Viewing Comments) Nudged the rating up slightly; ending didn't seem quite so garish this time around, especially when the whole ghastly single-parent thing was followed by a shot of Nancy in a solitary room watching a recap of the events on TV - the emphasis here is on distance with another twinge of melancholy, that Nancy's efforts to reunite Rachel Leigh Cook and family are performed with vicarious intent but are unable to serve as emotional convalescence. Instead her deeds are merely diverting, which explains the concluding talk about the thrill of mystery-solving rather than its results, adding another facet to the narrative - a snippet worthy of Memento, suggesting that people will choose plucky self-delusion in the face of tragedy before acceptance. Still a fairly plain movie, but I suppose it comes with the territory...
-
Rating ... B+ (73)
Neither a crackerjack paean to ancient history and traditional values nor the girl-power rebuff you'd sort of expect given the polarity of the book series in relation to The Hardy Boys, I'm pleased to report that Nancy Drew, with notable tact, does a pretty exceptional job of transcending its literary beginnings. (Tally this one up alongside Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, basically.) Creative changes are immediately apparent, though one would be hard-pressed not to expand on a literary figure whose sole feature was boyish spunk. Clearly a fish-out-of-water parable, free of condescenscion thankfully, Nancy Drew's outlook on old vs. new begins in the classroom, amusingly emphasizing her antiquatedness as one of those cretins who actually wants to learn and reciprocate enthusiasm at school. Fortunately for us, the film smartly demarcates the issue, carefully divulging that Nancy's overachieving doesn't stem from elitism; though her methods may be crafty at times, she never seems unusually resourceful or unusually intelligent - just unusually prepared. Again on the mark, writers Tiffany Paulsen and Andrew Fleming slyly bypass the old Nancy Drew's encompassing, you-go-girl confidence in favor of cheerful insecurity; Nancy's assuredness is unmistakable, but just as much so the accompanying image of her en route to Hollywood with bags in tow, her wheeled suitcase actually just a backpack precariously strapped to a wheeler - the joke is worth a chuckle, but more importantly it suggests that everyone has some sort of image they feel they must live up to, even kids as dead-set as Nancy. I'm pretty much prepared to take qualms about the narrative in stride; no doubt Nancy, like every other teen day-saver resides in a world of inadequate adults, but surely there's some slack when it results in scenes like Nancy investigating the set of a Bruce Willis 50's noir film, citing anachronisms left and right. That having been said, the mystery itself and the motivation behind it is disappointingly simple, merely a case of business greed, which means the entire ordeal plays second fiddle to Fleming's aimless assortment of ideas rather than domineering the film and reinforcing concept of obsolescence. Nevertheless, the film has the good sense to keep Nancy front and center, defending her at all costs, which might seem shady until you realize the point isn't to ham-fistedly promote old-timey tradition, but rather to explore Nancy's elusive connection to the past. It isn't by chance Nancy always seems distracted in the present (remarkably casual facing death threats and such!), and a third-act exchange nicely lets on that her sleuthing involves filling an emotional void, reconciling problems from the past to mend feelings in the present. The film comprehends Nancy's struggle to compartmentalize empathy as she does her meals or work tools, as evidenced by a scene where her attempts to rationalize the situation with her would-be beau come out in a confused jumble. There's even a wee bit of melancholy as the film toys with the antediluvian notions of neighborly trust, which makes sense given Nancy's incessant cheerfulness and overall obliviousness to verbal abuse is grounded in the principle everyone is inherently benevolent, and really only shaken when she sustains deliberate, personal attacks, by way of a gym-period practical joke - or, of course, getting shot at by crooks. Entertaining, adorable, and then some, though I'd quite like to figure out why an arbitrary salute to single parenting hijacked the ending; as far as I'm concerned, that's a mystery worth solving.
(Second Viewing Comments) Nudged the rating up slightly; ending didn't seem quite so garish this time around, especially when the whole ghastly single-parent thing was followed by a shot of Nancy in a solitary room watching a recap of the events on TV - the emphasis here is on distance with another twinge of melancholy, that Nancy's efforts to reunite Rachel Leigh Cook and family are performed with vicarious intent but are unable to serve as emotional convalescence. Instead her deeds are merely diverting, which explains the concluding talk about the thrill of mystery-solving rather than its results, adding another facet to the narrative - a snippet worthy of Memento, suggesting that people will choose plucky self-delusion in the face of tragedy before acceptance. Still a fairly plain movie, but I suppose it comes with the territory...
-
Badass McToughguy and the Quest to Make Every Letter of Every Word Capitalized
300 (2007)
Rating ... D (13)
300: The Simplified Script
Enter SPARTA, at least 100 years ago.
SENTRY #1
Hello and stay out of Sparta, for thou art not manly enough
for this manly empire. Also ... Masculinity contest! Whoever
can hold their voice for the longest is most manly!
SENTRY #1 and SENTRY #2
THIS IS SPAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAA--
Enter SPARTA's digital castle.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Welcome. I killed a tiger when I was like, five. Therefore,
I am king.
MAX BONAR
I designate myself manly narrator. It's possible I might
narrate almost every point anyone might possibly be
unclear about.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Also, freedom. I might namedrop this term four or five
times. It is not a faux-crafty attempt at political under-
tones.
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM! It is essential to a
SPARTAN's manliness.
A swaggering messenger enters.
ESTROGENIC COURIER
Submit to my king RUE PAUL or die from
his homosexual fury!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Your feminine cockswagger annoys the piss
out of me! We decline your offer, and please
tell me this course of action is madness so I
can kick you and your troop into this large
pit I conveniently had erected!
ESTROGENIC COURIER
Wha ... ? Why, this course of action is
blasphemy. It is ... madness!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No ... It is SPAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
Note the phrase "This is SPAR-TAAAA."
Such a battle cry is essential to a SPARTAN's
manliness.
MAX BONAR (cont'd)
(in booming narration)
SPAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Wow, that will get really annoying.
MAX BONAR
Damn skippy.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY kicks ESTROGENIC
COURIER into a pit. SPARTA then goes to war.
MANNY NUFFORYU
Wait! SPARTA can't battle! We need the blessing
of the gods!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Humbug! Manly men don't follow rules. Though
I think I will climb the mountain to witness that
adolescent strip show. I kind of like young girls,
unlike my homosexual opponents, whom I will
destroy.
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
Adolescent girls! Such things are essential to a
SPARTAN's manliness!
BUSTY McTOPSHELF
Hurry back afterwards, my manly husband! The
movie requires more T+A!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Hmm. I think I shall. Then you can give me a
cheap signifier of our otherwise undeveloped
love, er, I mean, that necklace. A SPARTAN
man has no other use for such non-manly
trinkets, of course.
(looks around furtively)
SHIT happens. Persia attacks. A hunchbacked
LUSER approaches BADASS McTOUGHGUY.
STUPID GIMP
Let me fight! Please please please please--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Sure. But first I need you to raise your shield
high to provide cover SPARTANS use combat
tactics and are thus manly it covers the neck
etc lame attempt at technical accuracy.
STUPID GIMP
(struggling)
... Urk!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Oh ... shit. You're crippled? Screw that.
SPARTA kills inadequate infants at birth.
Like Nazis. I dunno how they missed you.
STUPID GIMP
My parents fled the--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Nobody cares. Shut the hell up, go away.
STUPID GIMP
Harumph! *wheeze* I shall betray Sparta
for this.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
(angrily)
What did you say?
STUPID GIMP
Uh, that I'm going to be an informer for
RUE PAUL?
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
(angrily)
You failed to capitalize SPARTA! Such an
offense is punishable by DEATH!
STUPID GIMP
You know what other country uses all caps?
USA! Hmmph! Political subtext etc!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Yeah, except Persia is the U.S. and we're
Iraq. Very, very loosely, and thus subtly
and intelligently.
STUPID GIMP
I don't believe you.
(leaves)
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Whatever.
DICK
General! Persia attacks!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
...
DICK
What?
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Is that really your name? ... DICK?
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
A manly name! It is essential to a SPARTAN's
manliness! Besides, all the good ones were
taken.
DICK
I can't read or write.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Fine. Let's just engage in some limp, post-
LotR battles and show Persia who's boss.
OMINOUS CHARACTER
General. Please remind me what this
whole thing is "about" and bring the
movie to a grinding halt ... Again.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Who're you?
MAN LEE
I'm MAN LEE.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Of course.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY (cont'd)
Also ...
(clears his throat)
*cough cough* FREEDOM *cough* Ahem.
MAN LEE
Okay, let's fight.
They DO. Also, Persians are pussies and
SPARTANs are manly, and all that that implies.
RUE PAUL
Hear me! I am RUE PAUL and I offer--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No.
RUE PAUL
But you haven't even heard the--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No.
RUE PAUL
Can I at least get some--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No.
RUE PAUL
Jesus!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Sorry. I can't agree with anyone, it isn't manly.
RUE PAUL
Fine! We shall just fight with historically-
inaccurate pomp and circumstance!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Sure. That's what we do best. Besides being
manly, of course.
(Fighting and shit. It would probably look more
interesting if SPARTANS used more than one
move.)
SPARTA kills everybody and suffers annoyingly
few casualties.
RUE PAUL
Goddammit this has to end!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Fine. We'll just abandon our winning strategy
and all die at the same time in a blaze of manly
slaughter.
RUE PAUL
Sounds good.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Besides, even though we lose, we win. Our
ideals remain strong and we know what we
are fighting for. SPARTANS know real valor
and combat prowess, and above all contain
the requisite virility for combat. The fact
we were so manly makes us victors. This
property, which you do not possess, is the
ultimate in machismo. It is called the MASK
YOU LENT ME.
RUE PAUL
What? I don't get it.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
It is because you are not manly--
RUE PAUL
Yeah, I gathered that. Thanks for telling
me the subtext by the way.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No problem. MAX BONAR?
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS?
(looks embarrased)
Oh. Yes?
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
You suffered an eye injury, no?
MAX BONAR
Uh ... sure. Whatever.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
This particular wound makes it okay for
you to retreat without losing your man-
liness, and you will not resist this order.
Now, please take this crappy necklace
back to my femininely manly wife.
MAX BONAR
...
(looks puzzled)
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
It's a good thing. Trust me. Also, try to
rip off GLADIATOR as much as possible
in the process.
MAX BONAR
kthxbye.
(leaves)
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Now us SPARTANS will DINE IN HELL!
RUE PAUL
(sighing)
I still don't get it.
STOCK SPARTANS
Hell, we don't even get that one.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
That's because I'm so MAAAAAAAAAN-
LYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! This is SPAR-
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(dies)
SPARTANS
SPAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(dies)
Enter CORNFIELDS.
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
Here's yoo-our necklace ... ... I'm yoo-our
neeeeeeeeeeeeigh-booooooooor.
BUSTY McTOPSHELF
I killed MANNY NUFFORYU! He was a
trait--
MAX BONAR
I don't give a shit. Women should be manly
too. Yes.
MAX BONAR (cont'd)
What will happen to SPAR-TAAAAAAAA?
(cue aerial cam shot)
We shall be victorious because we are manly
and now we will actually bother to send more
people! So in essence the sacrifice of the 300
did nothing because we were already so
convinced of our manliness!
Enter the digital castle gates.
SENTRY #1 and SENTRY #2
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
SENTRY #1
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
(pauses)
Yes! I win. This is incontrovertible evidence
I am more manly than you.
SENTRY #2
... Shit.
(commits suicide)
UGLY SOOTHSAYER
Abra Cadaver!
(appears)
Thou sure art manly! You have proved your
virility and thus I offer you adolescent girls!
SENTRY #1
Sure, that sounds gross/good.
UGLY SOOTHSAYER
Then come with me. SPAR-TAAAAA shall
rise again in a confirmed SEEEEEEEEEQUEL!
SENTRY #1
Oh. Really? ... Shit.
(commits suicide)
THE FREAKIN' CAPITALIZED END
Rating ... D (13)
300: The Simplified Script
Enter SPARTA, at least 100 years ago.
SENTRY #1
Hello and stay out of Sparta, for thou art not manly enough
for this manly empire. Also ... Masculinity contest! Whoever
can hold their voice for the longest is most manly!
SENTRY #1 and SENTRY #2
THIS IS SPAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAA--
Enter SPARTA's digital castle.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Welcome. I killed a tiger when I was like, five. Therefore,
I am king.
MAX BONAR
I designate myself manly narrator. It's possible I might
narrate almost every point anyone might possibly be
unclear about.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Also, freedom. I might namedrop this term four or five
times. It is not a faux-crafty attempt at political under-
tones.
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM! It is essential to a
SPARTAN's manliness.
A swaggering messenger enters.
ESTROGENIC COURIER
Submit to my king RUE PAUL or die from
his homosexual fury!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Your feminine cockswagger annoys the piss
out of me! We decline your offer, and please
tell me this course of action is madness so I
can kick you and your troop into this large
pit I conveniently had erected!
ESTROGENIC COURIER
Wha ... ? Why, this course of action is
blasphemy. It is ... madness!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No ... It is SPAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
Note the phrase "This is SPAR-TAAAA."
Such a battle cry is essential to a SPARTAN's
manliness.
MAX BONAR (cont'd)
(in booming narration)
SPAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Wow, that will get really annoying.
MAX BONAR
Damn skippy.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY kicks ESTROGENIC
COURIER into a pit. SPARTA then goes to war.
MANNY NUFFORYU
Wait! SPARTA can't battle! We need the blessing
of the gods!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Humbug! Manly men don't follow rules. Though
I think I will climb the mountain to witness that
adolescent strip show. I kind of like young girls,
unlike my homosexual opponents, whom I will
destroy.
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
Adolescent girls! Such things are essential to a
SPARTAN's manliness!
BUSTY McTOPSHELF
Hurry back afterwards, my manly husband! The
movie requires more T+A!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Hmm. I think I shall. Then you can give me a
cheap signifier of our otherwise undeveloped
love, er, I mean, that necklace. A SPARTAN
man has no other use for such non-manly
trinkets, of course.
(looks around furtively)
SHIT happens. Persia attacks. A hunchbacked
LUSER approaches BADASS McTOUGHGUY.
STUPID GIMP
Let me fight! Please please please please--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Sure. But first I need you to raise your shield
high to provide cover SPARTANS use combat
tactics and are thus manly it covers the neck
etc lame attempt at technical accuracy.
STUPID GIMP
(struggling)
... Urk!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Oh ... shit. You're crippled? Screw that.
SPARTA kills inadequate infants at birth.
Like Nazis. I dunno how they missed you.
STUPID GIMP
My parents fled the--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Nobody cares. Shut the hell up, go away.
STUPID GIMP
Harumph! *wheeze* I shall betray Sparta
for this.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
(angrily)
What did you say?
STUPID GIMP
Uh, that I'm going to be an informer for
RUE PAUL?
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
(angrily)
You failed to capitalize SPARTA! Such an
offense is punishable by DEATH!
STUPID GIMP
You know what other country uses all caps?
USA! Hmmph! Political subtext etc!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Yeah, except Persia is the U.S. and we're
Iraq. Very, very loosely, and thus subtly
and intelligently.
STUPID GIMP
I don't believe you.
(leaves)
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Whatever.
DICK
General! Persia attacks!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
...
DICK
What?
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Is that really your name? ... DICK?
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
A manly name! It is essential to a SPARTAN's
manliness! Besides, all the good ones were
taken.
DICK
I can't read or write.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Fine. Let's just engage in some limp, post-
LotR battles and show Persia who's boss.
OMINOUS CHARACTER
General. Please remind me what this
whole thing is "about" and bring the
movie to a grinding halt ... Again.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Who're you?
MAN LEE
I'm MAN LEE.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Of course.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY (cont'd)
Also ...
(clears his throat)
*cough cough* FREEDOM *cough* Ahem.
MAN LEE
Okay, let's fight.
They DO. Also, Persians are pussies and
SPARTANs are manly, and all that that implies.
RUE PAUL
Hear me! I am RUE PAUL and I offer--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No.
RUE PAUL
But you haven't even heard the--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No.
RUE PAUL
Can I at least get some--
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No.
RUE PAUL
Jesus!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Sorry. I can't agree with anyone, it isn't manly.
RUE PAUL
Fine! We shall just fight with historically-
inaccurate pomp and circumstance!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Sure. That's what we do best. Besides being
manly, of course.
(Fighting and shit. It would probably look more
interesting if SPARTANS used more than one
move.)
SPARTA kills everybody and suffers annoyingly
few casualties.
RUE PAUL
Goddammit this has to end!
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Fine. We'll just abandon our winning strategy
and all die at the same time in a blaze of manly
slaughter.
RUE PAUL
Sounds good.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Besides, even though we lose, we win. Our
ideals remain strong and we know what we
are fighting for. SPARTANS know real valor
and combat prowess, and above all contain
the requisite virility for combat. The fact
we were so manly makes us victors. This
property, which you do not possess, is the
ultimate in machismo. It is called the MASK
YOU LENT ME.
RUE PAUL
What? I don't get it.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
It is because you are not manly--
RUE PAUL
Yeah, I gathered that. Thanks for telling
me the subtext by the way.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
No problem. MAX BONAR?
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS?
(looks embarrased)
Oh. Yes?
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
You suffered an eye injury, no?
MAX BONAR
Uh ... sure. Whatever.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
This particular wound makes it okay for
you to retreat without losing your man-
liness, and you will not resist this order.
Now, please take this crappy necklace
back to my femininely manly wife.
MAX BONAR
...
(looks puzzled)
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
It's a good thing. Trust me. Also, try to
rip off GLADIATOR as much as possible
in the process.
MAX BONAR
kthxbye.
(leaves)
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
Now us SPARTANS will DINE IN HELL!
RUE PAUL
(sighing)
I still don't get it.
STOCK SPARTANS
Hell, we don't even get that one.
BADASS McTOUGHGUY
That's because I'm so MAAAAAAAAAN-
LYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! This is SPAR-
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(dies)
SPARTANS
SPAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(dies)
Enter CORNFIELDS.
MAX BONAR
(in booming narration)
Here's yoo-our necklace ... ... I'm yoo-our
neeeeeeeeeeeeigh-booooooooor.
BUSTY McTOPSHELF
I killed MANNY NUFFORYU! He was a
trait--
MAX BONAR
I don't give a shit. Women should be manly
too. Yes.
MAX BONAR (cont'd)
What will happen to SPAR-TAAAAAAAA?
(cue aerial cam shot)
We shall be victorious because we are manly
and now we will actually bother to send more
people! So in essence the sacrifice of the 300
did nothing because we were already so
convinced of our manliness!
Enter the digital castle gates.
SENTRY #1 and SENTRY #2
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
SENTRY #1
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
(pauses)
Yes! I win. This is incontrovertible evidence
I am more manly than you.
SENTRY #2
... Shit.
(commits suicide)
UGLY SOOTHSAYER
Abra Cadaver!
(appears)
Thou sure art manly! You have proved your
virility and thus I offer you adolescent girls!
SENTRY #1
Sure, that sounds gross/good.
UGLY SOOTHSAYER
Then come with me. SPAR-TAAAAA shall
rise again in a confirmed SEEEEEEEEEQUEL!
SENTRY #1
Oh. Really? ... Shit.
(commits suicide)
THE FREAKIN' CAPITALIZED END
Film Log 2007
610. (31 Dec) Darkness Falls (2003, Jonathan Liebesman) ... F (5)
609. (30 Dec) Aquamarine (2006, Elizabeth Allen) ... A- (88)
608. (30 Dec) War (2007, Philip G. Atwell) ... C (43)
607. (30 Dec) Enchanted (2007, Kevin Lima) ... B (61)
606. (29 Dec) Grease 2 (1982, Patricia Birch) ... D+ (22)
605. (29 Dec) Grease (1978, Randal Kleiser) ... C+ (50)
604. (28 Dec) Wild Wild West (1999, Barry Sonnenfeld) ... C- (28)
603. (27 Dec) Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003, Jonathan Mostow) ... B+ (71)
602. (27 Dec) Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991, James Cameron) ... A- (89)
601. (27 Dec) Terminator (1984, James Cameron) ... B- (58)
600. (26 Dec) The Shining (1980, Stanley Kubrick) ... C+ (44)
599. (26 Dec) Batman and Robin (1997, Joel Schumacher) ... D+ (25) ("What killed ze dinosaurs? ICE AGE!!!")
598. (24 Dec) Team America: World Police (2004, Trey Parker) ... B- (53)
597. (23 Dec) Sling Blade (1996, Billy Bob Thornton) ... C- (30)
596. (22 Dec) Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983, Jones / Gilliam) ... B- (56)
595. (22 Dec) Talk to Me (2007, Kasi Lemmons) ... C (40)
594. (21 Dec) 3:10 To Yuma (2007, James Mangold) ... B- (59)
593. (20 Dec) Day Night Day Night (2007, Julia Loktev) ... C (37)
592. (19 Dec) Bull Durham (1988, Ron Shelton) ... B- (58)
591. (19 Dec) Mr. Wonderful (1993, Anthony Minghella) ... C- (32)
590. (18 Dec) Santa Claus: The Movie (1985, Jeannot Szwarc) ... D (11)
589. (18 Dec) I Am Legend (2007, Francis Lawrence) ... C+ (47) (You're Winner!)
588. (17 Dec) Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003, Jan de Bont) ... D+ (27)
tv19. (17 Dec) "Duel" (2007) ... D+ (16)
587. (16 Dec) The Blue Lagoon (1980, Randal Kleiser) ... C- (29)
586. (16 Dec) How the Earth Was Made (2007, Peter Chinn) ... B (65)
585. (16 Dec) Raising Helen (2004, Garry Marshall) ... C- (28)
tv18. (15 Dec) "1968 With Tom Brokaw" (2007) ... C+ (47)
tv17. (15 Dec) "Shockwave" (2007) ... F (7)
584. (14 Dec) The Princess Diaries (2001, Garry Marshall) ... C+ (47)
tv16. (14 Dec) "Modern Marvels" (1998) ... C+ (50)
583. (13 Dec) Titanic (1997, James Cameron) ... D (15)
582. (12 Dec) Pinocchio (1940, Luske / Sharpsteen) ... A (91)
581. (12 Dec) Superbad (2007, Greg Mottola) ... C (41)
tv15. (11 Dec) "Kim Possible" (2002) ... A- (86) (1.02, 1.05, 1.06, 2.11, 2.12, 2.13, 2.14, 2.30 ... 88 / 72 / 97 / 82 / 81 / 86 / 96 / 91)
580. (10 Dec) Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981, George Miller) ... B+ (77)
579. (09 Dec) Blood Simple (1984, Joel Coen) ... C+ (45)
578. (08 Dec) Bratz (2007, Sean McNamara) ... F (5)
vg11. (08 Dec) Goldeneye 007 (1997) ... B+ (74)
577. (07 Dec) Underdog (2007, Frederik Du Chau) ... F (4)
576. (07 Dec) Kiss Me Deadly (1955, Robert Aldrich) ... B- (55)
575. (06 Dec) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982, Nicholas Meyer) ... B (69)
574. (05 Dec) U-571 (2000, Jonathan Mostow) ... B- (54)
573. (05 Dec) The Living Daylights (1987, John Glen) ... C+ (48)
572. (05 Dec) Cube 2: Hypercube (2002, Andrzej Sekula) ... D+ (16)
571. (04 Dec) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937, David Hand) ... B- (56)
570. (03 Dec) The Day I Became a Woman (2001, Marzieh Meshkini) ... C+ (48)
569. (02 Dec) Songs From the Second Floor (2000, Roy Andersson) ... C (43)
vg10. (02 Dec) Aladdin (1993) ... B- (54) (More bosses plz?)
vg09. (02 Dec) Bebe's Kids (1994) ... F (3) (L+R+Y Special = FAIL)
vg08. (02 Dec) Actraiser (1990) ... C+ (47)
568. (01 Dec) Troll 2 (1990, Claudio Fragrasso) ... C- (29) (Such an obvious camp classic I'm not sure why I don't watch it more often.)
567. (01 Dec) THX 1138 (1971, George Lucas) ... C+ (49)
566. (28 Nov) Cool Hand Luke (1967, Stuart Rosenberg) ... B- (57)
565. (27 Nov) A Christmas Story (1983, Bob Clark) ... C+ (45)
vg07. (27 Nov) Super Castlevania IV (1991) ... B (62)
564. (26 Nov) Sleuth (1972, Joseph Mankiewicz) ... B- (53)
563. (25 Nov) Pledge This! (2006, Hamilton / Heins) ... F (2)
vg06. (25 Nov) Mobile Light Force 2 (2003) ... B (63)
562. (24 Nov) Bottoms Up (2006, Erik MacArthur) ... D (10)
561. (23 Nov) Shoot 'Em Up (2007, Michael Davis) ... B- (58)
560. (23 Nov) Catch a Fire (2006, Phillip Noyce) ... C- (28)
559. (22 Nov) Live Free or Die Hard (2007, Len Wiseman) ... A- (81)
558. (21 Nov) Groundhog Day (1993, Harold Ramis) ... A- (84)
557. (20 Nov) The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993, Henry Selick) ... B (61)
556. (19 Nov) Sunset Boulevard (1950, Billy Wilder) ... B- (60)
555. (19 Nov) Leon (1994, Luc Besson) ... B- (57)
554. (18 Nov) SLC Punk! (1999, James Merendino) ... D (11)
553. (17 Nov) Roger and Me (1989, Michael Moore) ... C+ (46)
552. (16 Nov) The Bourne Ultimatum (2007, Paul Greengrass) ... B- (60)
551. (15 Nov) The Great Dictator (1940, Charlie Chaplin) ... C+ (47)
550. (14 Nov) Memento (2001, Christopher Nolan) ... A (94)
549. (12 Nov) Modern Times (1936, Charlie Chaplin) ... A- (83)
vg05. (11 Nov) Disgaea (2003) ... B (66)
548. (08 Nov) Dog Day Afternoon (1975, Sydney Lumet) ... B (62)
547. (06 Nov) Thirteen Days (2000, Roger Donaldson) ... C+ (51)
546. (05 Nov) Land and Freedom (1996, Ken Loach) ... B- (60)
545. (03 Nov) Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965, Russ Meyer) ... B- (53)
tv14. (03 Nov) Two and a Half Men (2003) ... D+ (27)
544. (02 Nov) Ace In the Hole (1951, Billy Wilder) ... A- (88)
543. (31 Oct) Roman Holiday (1953, William Wyler) ... B- (59)
542. (31 Oct) The Astronaut Farmer (2007, Michael Polish) ... C- (24)
541. (30 Oct) License to Wed (2007, Ken Kwapis) ... D+ (23)
540. (28 Oct) The Last Legion (2007, Doug Lefler) ... C (41)
539. (27 Oct) Mr. Brooks (2007, Bruce A. Evans) ... C+ (44)
538. (26 Oct) The Player (1992, Robert Altman) ... B- (58)
537. (25 Oct) Gerry (2003, Gus Van Sant) ... B (61)
536. (24 Oct) Infamous (2006, Douglas McGrath) ... C+ (50)
535. (23 Oct) Balls of Fury (2007, Ben Garant) ... D+ (18)
tv13. (23 Oct) "Merv Griffin's Crosswords" (2007) ... D (13)
534. (22 Oct) Fay Grim (2007, Hal Hartley) ... B- (57)
533. (22 Oct) The History Boys (2006, Nicholas Hytner) ... C+ (46)
532. (20 Oct) The Lives of Others (2007, Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck) ... C+ (44)
531. (19 Oct) Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004, Brad Siberling) ... A- (88)
530. (17 Oct) The Breakfast Club (1985, John Hughes) ... C- (24)
529. (17 Oct) Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001, Lee Demarbre) ... D+ (19)
528. (16 Oct) I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007, Dennis Dugan) ... C (42)
527. (16 Oct) Stardust (2007, Matthew Vaughn) ... B (61)
526. (15 Oct) Perfect Stranger (2007, James Foley) ... D (13)
525. (14 Oct) Unknown White Male (2006, Rupert Murray) ... C- (28)
524. (13 Oct) The Man Who Knew Too Much (1934, Alfred Hitchcock) ... C+ (50)
523. (13 Oct) Blade: Trinity (2004, David S. Goyer) ... C- (28)
522. (12 Oct) How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003, Donald Petrie) ... C- (32)
521. (11 Oct) Wimbledon (2004, Richard Loncraine) ... C (43)
520. (10 Oct) Bad Boys II (2003, Michael Bay) ... D (10)
519. (09 Oct) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007, David Yates) ... B- (57)
518. (08 Oct) Shaolin Soccer (2002, Stephen Chow) ... B+ (78)
517. (08 Oct) Top Gun (1986, Tony Scott) ... C- (33)
516. (07 Oct) The Plague Dogs (1982, Martin Rosen) ... C (41)
515. (05 Oct) Witness For the Prosecution (1957, Billy Wilder) ... B (62)
514. (05 Oct) The Simpsons Movie (2007, David Silverman) ... B- (53)
513. (05 Oct) Osmosis Jones (2001, The Farrelly Bros.) ... C+ (47)
512. (04 Oct) Shakespeare in Love (1998, John Madden) ... C- (32)
511. (03 Oct) The 39 Steps (1935, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B (61)
510. (03 Oct) Narc (2002, Joe Carnahan) ... C+ (51)
509. (02 Oct) The Hudsucker Proxy (1994, Joel Coen) ... B- (53)
508. (02 Oct) Transformers (2007, Michael Bay) ... D+ (21)
507. (01 Oct) Roger Dodger (2002, Dylan Kidd) ... B+ (70)
506. (30 Sep) GalaxyQuest (1999, Dean Parisot) ... B- (57)
505. (30 Sep) Yi Yi (2000, Edward Yang) ... B (61)
504. (29 Sep) Becoming Jane (2007, Julian Jarrold) ... C (43)
503. (29 Sep) Deep Blue Sea (1999, Renny Harlin) ... C (36)
502. (28 Sep) Red River (1948, Howard Hawks) ... B (61)
501. (28 Sep) Assault on Precinct 13 (2005, Jean-Francois Richet) ... C (43)
vg04. (27 Sep) Super Mario 64 (1996) ... A- (88)
500. (26 Sep) El Dorado (1966, Howard Hawks) ... B- (59)
tv12. (25 Sep) "Mission Hill" (1999) ... C- (31)
499. (25 Sep) Hot Rod (2007, Akiva Schaffer) ... D+ (19)
498. (25 Sep) The Invasion (2007, Oliver Hirschbiegel) ... C+ (47)
497. (24 Sep) Bad Boys (1995, Michael Bay) ... C- (33)
496. (24 Sep) House of Games (1987, David Mamet) ... B- (52)
495. (24 Sep) 50 First Dates (2004, Peter Segal) ... D+ (21)
494. (23 Sep) D-War (2007, Hyung-rae Shim) ... D (10)
493. (23 Sep) Lifeboat (1944, Alfred Hitchcock) ... C (42)
492. (23 Sep) Sherlock Jr. [m] (1924, Buster Keaton) ... A- (80)
491. (22 Sep) Rebecca (1940, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B (63)
490. (22 Sep) The Right Stuff (1983, Philip Kaufman) ... C+ (48)
489. (21 Sep) Swordfish (2001, Dominic Sena) ... D+ (21)
488. (20 Sep) Who's Camus Anyway? (2005, Mitsuo Yanagimachi) ... B (68)
487. (19 Sep) High School Musical (2006, Kenny Ortega) ... C- (29)
486. (19 Sep) Le Corbeau (1943, Henri-Georges Clouzot) ... B (69)
485. (18 Sep) Liar Liar (1997, Tom Shadyac) ... C+ (50)
484. (18 Sep) Daddy Day Camp (2007, Fred Savage) ... D (9)
483. (18 Sep) Who's Your Caddy? (2007, Don Michael Paul) ... F (1)
482. (17 Sep) The Last Picture Show (1971, Peter Bogdanovich) ... B (54)
481. (17 Sep) Phone Booth (2003, Joel Schumacher) ... C+ (47)
480. (17 Sep) What Time Is It There? (2002, Tsai Ming-Liang) ... B (68)
479. (16 Sep) To Catch a Thief (1955, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B- (53)
478. (16 Sep) Heist (2001, David Mamet) ... C+ (49)
477. (16 Sep) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003, Stephen Norrington) ... C (35)
476. (15 Sep) The Lookout (2007, Scott Frank) ... C+ (45)
475. (15 Sep) Tokyo Godfathers (2004, Satoshi Kon) ... B- (55)
474. (15 Sep) District B-13 (2006, Pierre Morel) ... B- (54)
473. (15 Sep) Firehouse Dog (2007, Todd Holland) ... D (11)
472. (14 Sep) Raja (2004, Jacques Doillon) ... B (62)
471. (13 Sep) Strangers on a Train (1951, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B- (55)
470. (12 Sep) Glengarry Glen Ross (1992, James Foley) ... B (61)
469. (11 Sep) The Tenant (1976, Roman Polanski) ... B- (57)
468. (11 Sep) Thunderball (1965, Terence Young) ... B (61)
467. (11 Sep) Live Free or Die Hard (2007, Len Wiseman) ... B+ (79)
466. (11 Sep) Waitress (2007, Adrienne Shelly) ... B- (56)
vg03. (10 Sep) Fallout: A Post-Nuclear Role-Playing Game (1997) ... A (98) (I play through this at least a couple times per year - might as well get used to seeing it rated higher than just about everything else)
465. (09 Sep) Flirting With Disaster (1996, David O. Russell) ... C+ (49)
vg02. (09 Sep) Shandalar (1997) ... C+ (48)
464. (09 Sep) The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957, David Lean) ... B- (57)
463. (08 Sep) Tin Men (1987, Barry Levinson) ... B- (55)
462. (08 Sep) Go (1999, Doug Liman) ... C+ (50)
461. (08 Sep) Ben-Hur (1959, William Wyler) ... C (37)
460. (07 Sep) The Castle of Cagliostro (1979, Hayao Miyazaki) ... A- (87)
459. (07 Sep) The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985, Woody Allen) ... B+ (78)
vg01. (06 Sep) Resident Evil 4 (2005) ... B- (56)
458. (06 Sep) The Producers (1968, Mel Brooks) ... B- (52)
tv11. (05 Sep) Metalocalypse (2006) ... D (10)
457. (05 Sep) The Powerpuff Girls Movie (2002, Craig McCracken) ... B (62) ("My actions speak louder than words! Unless my words are HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAH!")
456. (05 Sep) Miss Congeniality (2000, Donald Petrie) ... C+ (45)
455. (04 Sep) American Pie (1999, Paul Weitz) ... C- (33)
454. (04 Sep) The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966, Sergio Leone) ... B (67)
453. (04 Sep) I Know Who Killed Me (2007, Chris Sivertson) ... F (3)
452. (04 Sep) Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007, Gore Verbinski) ... C+ (44)
451. (03 Sep) Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982, Amy Heckerling) ... C+ (46)
450. (03 Sep) Flowers of Shanghai (1998, Hou Hsiao-Hsien) ... B+ (70)
449. (02 Sep) Infernal Affairs (2004, Siu Fai Mak / Wai Keung Lau) ... B- (55)
448. (02 Sep) Treasure Planet (2002, Clements / Musker) ... B (61)
447. (01 Sep) Open Range (2003, Kevin Costner) ... B- (58)
tv10. (01 Sep) The Zeta Project (2001) ... C+ (48)
446. (31 Aug) Paper Moon (1973, Peter Bogdanovich) ... B (67)
445. (30 Aug) EuroTrip (2004, Jeff Schaffer) ... D (14)
444. (29 Aug) Enter the Dragon (1973, Robert Clouse) ... C (41)
443. (28 Aug) Sicko (2007, Michael Moore) ... C (36)
442. (28 Aug) On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969, Peter R. Hunt) ... B- (57)
441. (28 Aug) Evan Almighty (2007, Tom Shadyac) ... C+ (48)
440. (28 Aug) Evening (2007, Lajos Koltai) ... C- (25)
439. (28 Aug) Johnny English (2003, Peter Howitt) ... C+ (45)
438. (27 Aug) The Killing (1956, Stanley Kubrick) ... B- (58)
437. (27 Aug) Miller's Crossing (1990, Joel Coen) ... C+ (50)
436. (27 Aug) Sugar Creek (2007, James Cotten) ... D+ (22)
435. (26 Aug) Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007, Steve Bendelack) ... D+ (17)
434. (26 Aug) The Mars Underground (2007, Scott J. Gill) ... B- (53)
433. (26 Aug) High Spirits (1988, Neil Jordan) ... C+ (50)
432. (26 Aug) Police Academy (1984, Hugh Wilson) ... C- (32)
431. (25 Aug) Wayne's World 2 (1993, Stephen Surjik) ... C+ (49)
430. (25 Aug) Wayne's World (1992, Penelope Spheeris) ... B- (53)
429. (25 Aug) Willow (1988, Ron Howard) ... C+ (48)
tv09. (24 Aug) The Decalogue (1988) ... B- (60)
tv08. (22 Aug) Frisky Dingo (2006) ... C (40)
428. (21 Aug) The Girl Next Door (2004, Luke Greenfield) ... C (42)
427. (21 Aug) Knocked Up (2007, Judd Apatow) ... C+ (50)
426. (21 Aug) Ocean's Thirteen (2007, Steven Soderbergh) ... C+ (46)
425. (20 Aug) Antitrust (2001, Peter Howitt) ... D+ (26)
tv07. (20 Aug) The Boondocks (2005) ... C- (28)
424. (19 Aug) The Covenant (2006, Renny Harlin) ... D+ (18)
423. (19 Aug) Kickin' It Old Skool (2007, Harvey Glazer) ... F (4)
422. (18 Aug) 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003, John Singleton) ... C- (30)
421. (18 Aug) Accepted (2006, Steve Pink) ... C (42)
420. (17 Aug) Hannah and Her Sisters (1986, Woody Allen) ... B- (58)
419. (16 Aug) The Rainmaker (1997, Francis Ford Coppola) ... C- (35)
418. (15 Aug) America: From Freedom to Fascism (2006, Aaron Russo) ... F (1)
417. (15 Aug) Time Out (2002, Laurent Cantet) ... B- (57)
416. (15 Aug) Koyaaniqatsi (1982, Godfrey Reggio) ... C+ (45)
415. (14 Aug) Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior (2005, Pracheya Pinkaew) ... B- (55)
tv06 (14 Aug) "Cities of the Underworld" (2007) ... C- (33) (Actual movies coming shortly. Promise.)
tv05. (14 Aug) "Ice Road Truckers" (2007) ... F (4)
tv04. (08 Aug) "Cowboy Bebop" (1998) ... A (92) (1.01, 1.02, 1.03, 1.11, 1.14. 100 / 93 / 94 / 86 / 84.)
tv03. (08 Aug) "Afro Samurai" (2007) ... D (15)
414. (07 Aug) Manon des Sources (1986, Claude Berri) ... B- (56)
413. (07 Aug) Jean de Florette (1986, Claude Berri) ... B- (57)
tv02. (06 Aug) "As Told By Ginger" (2000) ... B (64)
412. (06 Aug) Wassup Rockers (2006, Larry Clark) ... D (12)
411. (05 Aug) Fracture (2007, Gregory Hoblit) ... C (42)
410. (05 Aug) Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price (2005, Robert Greenwald) ... F (8)
409. (05 Aug) Nancy Drew (2007, Andrew Fleming) ... B+ (71)
408. (04 Aug) Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004, Alexander Witt) ... D+ (22)
407. (04 Aug) The Wild Angels (1966, Roger Corman) ... C- (25)
tv01. (03 Aug) "Megas XLR" (2004) ... B- (52)
406. (03 Aug) S.W.A.T. (2003, Clark Johnson) ... C+ (45)
405. (03 Aug) I Spy (2002, Betty Thomas) ... C+ (44)
404. (02 Aug) Jackass: The Movie (2002, Jeff Tremaine) ... C+ (46)
403. (02 Aug) Man on Fire (2004, Tony Scott) ... C- (33)
402. (02 Aug) Arsenic and Old Lace (1944, Frank Capra) ... C+ (50)
401. (31 Jul) Stardust Memories (1980, Woody Allen) ... B- (59)
400. (30 Jul) Top Secret! (1984, ZAZ) ... B+ (70)
399. (30 Jul) The One (2001, James Wong) ... C (42)
398. (29 Jul) The Whole Ten Yards (2004, Howard Deutch) ... C (41)
397. (29 Jul) The Whole Nine Yards (2000, Jonathan Lynn) ... C+ (46)
396. (28 Jul) A Man Escaped (1956, Robert Bresson) ... B- (60)
395. (28 Jul) Maximum Overdrive (1986, Stephen King) ... F (4)
394. (27 Jul) Watership Down (1978, Martin Rosen) ... D+ (26)
s02. (27 Jul) The Balloonatic [s] (1923, Cline / Keaton) ... C+ (51)
s01. (27 Jul) Neighbors [s] (1920, Cline / Keaton) ... B- (54)
393. (27 Jul) Seven Chances [m] (1925, Buster Keaton) ... B (65)
392. (27 Jul) And Then There Were None (1945, Rene Clair) ... C+ (44)
391. (26 Jul) Rio Bravo (1959, Howard Hawks) ... B (66)
390. (25 Jul) They Live (1988, John Carpenter) ... C+ (47)
389. (24 Jul) Robin Hood: Men In Tights (1993, Mel Brooks) ... C+ (46)
388. (24 Jul) The Wicker Man (2006, Neil LaBute) ... C- (30)
387. (24 Jul) Meet the Robinsons (2007, Stephen J. Anderson) ... B- (57)
386. (23 Jul) Perfect Blue (1999, Satoshi Kon) ... B- (55)
385. (23 Jul) La Femme Nikita (1990, Luc Besson) ... C+ (44)
384. (23 Jul) Big Fish (2003, Tim Burton) ... B (61)
383. (22 Jul) O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000, Joel Coen) ... B+ (70)
382. (22 Jul) Shanghai Noon (2000, Tom Dey) ... B (65)
381. (22 Jul) The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939, Sidney Lanfield) ... C+ (50)
380. (22 Jul) It Happened One Night (1934, Frank Capra) ... B (65)
379. (21 Jul) Mr. Nice Guy (1997, Sammo Hung Kam-Bo) ... C (42)
378. (21 Jul) The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001, Woody Allen) ... C+ (46)
377. (20 Jul) Rivers and Tides (2003, Thomas Riedelsheimer) ... B- (59)
376. (20 Jul) Sanjuro (1962, Akira Kurosawa) ... B (65)
375. (19 Jul) The Lady Vanishes (1938, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B (61)
374. (18 Jul) Wind Chill (2007, Gregory Jacobs) ... C (40)
373. (18 Jul) Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter Jr. (1999, Errol Morris) ... B (69)
372. (17 Jul) A Brief History of Time (1991, Errol Morris) ... B+ (73)
371. (17 Jul) This Film Is Not Yet Rated (2006, Kirby Dick) ... B- (55)
370. (17 Jul) The U.S. vs John Lennon (2006, Leaf / Scheinfeld) ... C (41)
369. (16 Jul) Glen or Glenda (1953, Edward D. Wood Jr.) ... C+ (47)
368. (16 Jul) Spider-Man 3 (2007, Sam Raimi) ... C+ (45)
367. (16 Jul) Bug (2007, William Friedkin) ... C (39)
366. (15 Jul) Aquamarine (2006, Elizabeth Allen) ... A- (86)
365. (15 Jul) Duel (1971, Steven Spielberg) ... C+ (49)
364. (15 Jul) The Battleship Potemkin (1925, Sergei M. Eisenstein) ... C- (29)
363. (15 Jul) The Gold Rush (1925, Charlie Chaplin) ... B- (59)
362. (15 Jul) Life is Beautiful (1998, Roberto Benigni) ... B+ (66)
361. (14 Jul) To Live (1994, Zhang Yimou) ... C+ (47)
360. (13 Jul) Safe (1995, Todd Haynes) ... B- (57)
359. (13 Jul) The Lost Weekend (1945, Billy Wilder) ... C+ (49)
358. (13 Jul) The Transporter 2 (2005, Louis Leterrier) ... B- (58)
357. (12 Jul) Soylent Green (1973, Richard Fleischer) ... C (42)
356. (12 Jul) Scary Movie (2000, Keenan Ivory Wayans) ... C+ (49)
355. (12 Jul) Conspiracy (2001, Frank Pierson) ... B- (52)
354. (12 Jul) Dawn of the Dead (1978, George A. Romero) ... B+ (75)
353. (11 Jul) Anna and the King (1999, Andy Tennant) ... C+ (47)
352. (11 Jul) The Ox-Bow Incident (1943, William A. Wellman) ... C+ (51)
351. (10 Jul) The Devil Wears Prada (2006, David Frankel) ... B+ (73)
350. (10 Jul) Jeremiah Johnson (1972, Sydney Pollack) ... B- (54)
349. (09 Jul) U.S. Marshals (1998, Stuart Baird) ... C+ (46)
348. (09 Jul) Dark Star (1974, John Carpenter) ... C+ (48)
347. (08 Jul) Repulsion (1965, Roman Polanski) ... B- (59)
346. (08 Jul) Quay of the Goldsmiths (1947, Henri-Georges Clouzot) ... B- (56)
345. (07 Jul) All About Eve (1950, Joseph Mankiewicz) ... B+ (78)
344. (07 Jul) Reefer Madness (1936, Louis J. Gasnier) ... F (8)
343. (07 Jul) Material Girls (2006, Martha Coolidge) ... F (5)
342. (06 Jul) Big Momma's House 2 (2006, John Whitesell) ... D (11)
341. (06 Jul) Night of the Living Dead (1968, George A. Romero) ... B (62)
340. (06 Jul) It Came From Outer Space (1953, Jack Arnold) ... C+ (47)
339. (05 Jul) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974, Tobe Hooper) ... C (39)
338. (05 Jul) His Girl Friday (1940, Howard Hawks) ... A (92)
337. (04 Jul) Frankenfish (2004, Mark A.Z. Dippé) ... D (9)
336. (04 Jul) Raising Arizona (1987, Joel Coen) ... C+ (50)
335. (04 Jul) Shrek the Third (2007, Chris Miller) ... D+ (20)
334. (04 Jul) Surf's Up (2007, Brannon / Buck) ... C+ (48)
333. (04 Jul) Ratatouille (2007, Brad Bird) ... B+ (70)
332. (03 Jul) Resident Evil (2002, Paul W.S. Anderson) ... C- (33)
331. (03 Jul) Hot Fuzz (2007, Edgar Wright) ... B- (55)
330. (03 Jul) 28 Weeks Later (2007, Juan Carlos Fresnadillo) ... C (39)
329. (02 Jul) Old Joy (2006, Kelly Reichardt) ... B- (60)
328. (02 Jul) The Invisible (2007, David S. Goyer) ... C- (28)
327. (02 Jul) Disturbia (2007, DJ Caruso) ... C+ (51)
326. (01 Jul) Paris, Je T'aime (2007, Various) ... C (43)
325. (01 Jul) Solaris (1972, Andrei Tarkovsky) ... C+ (51)
-
609. (30 Dec) Aquamarine (2006, Elizabeth Allen) ... A- (88)
608. (30 Dec) War (2007, Philip G. Atwell) ... C (43)
607. (30 Dec) Enchanted (2007, Kevin Lima) ... B (61)
606. (29 Dec) Grease 2 (1982, Patricia Birch) ... D+ (22)
605. (29 Dec) Grease (1978, Randal Kleiser) ... C+ (50)
604. (28 Dec) Wild Wild West (1999, Barry Sonnenfeld) ... C- (28)
603. (27 Dec) Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003, Jonathan Mostow) ... B+ (71)
602. (27 Dec) Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991, James Cameron) ... A- (89)
601. (27 Dec) Terminator (1984, James Cameron) ... B- (58)
600. (26 Dec) The Shining (1980, Stanley Kubrick) ... C+ (44)
599. (26 Dec) Batman and Robin (1997, Joel Schumacher) ... D+ (25) ("What killed ze dinosaurs? ICE AGE!!!")
598. (24 Dec) Team America: World Police (2004, Trey Parker) ... B- (53)
597. (23 Dec) Sling Blade (1996, Billy Bob Thornton) ... C- (30)
596. (22 Dec) Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983, Jones / Gilliam) ... B- (56)
595. (22 Dec) Talk to Me (2007, Kasi Lemmons) ... C (40)
594. (21 Dec) 3:10 To Yuma (2007, James Mangold) ... B- (59)
593. (20 Dec) Day Night Day Night (2007, Julia Loktev) ... C (37)
592. (19 Dec) Bull Durham (1988, Ron Shelton) ... B- (58)
591. (19 Dec) Mr. Wonderful (1993, Anthony Minghella) ... C- (32)
590. (18 Dec) Santa Claus: The Movie (1985, Jeannot Szwarc) ... D (11)
589. (18 Dec) I Am Legend (2007, Francis Lawrence) ... C+ (47) (You're Winner!)
588. (17 Dec) Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003, Jan de Bont) ... D+ (27)
tv19. (17 Dec) "Duel" (2007) ... D+ (16)
587. (16 Dec) The Blue Lagoon (1980, Randal Kleiser) ... C- (29)
586. (16 Dec) How the Earth Was Made (2007, Peter Chinn) ... B (65)
585. (16 Dec) Raising Helen (2004, Garry Marshall) ... C- (28)
tv18. (15 Dec) "1968 With Tom Brokaw" (2007) ... C+ (47)
tv17. (15 Dec) "Shockwave" (2007) ... F (7)
584. (14 Dec) The Princess Diaries (2001, Garry Marshall) ... C+ (47)
tv16. (14 Dec) "Modern Marvels" (1998) ... C+ (50)
583. (13 Dec) Titanic (1997, James Cameron) ... D (15)
582. (12 Dec) Pinocchio (1940, Luske / Sharpsteen) ... A (91)
581. (12 Dec) Superbad (2007, Greg Mottola) ... C (41)
tv15. (11 Dec) "Kim Possible" (2002) ... A- (86) (1.02, 1.05, 1.06, 2.11, 2.12, 2.13, 2.14, 2.30 ... 88 / 72 / 97 / 82 / 81 / 86 / 96 / 91)
580. (10 Dec) Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981, George Miller) ... B+ (77)
579. (09 Dec) Blood Simple (1984, Joel Coen) ... C+ (45)
578. (08 Dec) Bratz (2007, Sean McNamara) ... F (5)
vg11. (08 Dec) Goldeneye 007 (1997) ... B+ (74)
577. (07 Dec) Underdog (2007, Frederik Du Chau) ... F (4)
576. (07 Dec) Kiss Me Deadly (1955, Robert Aldrich) ... B- (55)
575. (06 Dec) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982, Nicholas Meyer) ... B (69)
574. (05 Dec) U-571 (2000, Jonathan Mostow) ... B- (54)
573. (05 Dec) The Living Daylights (1987, John Glen) ... C+ (48)
572. (05 Dec) Cube 2: Hypercube (2002, Andrzej Sekula) ... D+ (16)
571. (04 Dec) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937, David Hand) ... B- (56)
570. (03 Dec) The Day I Became a Woman (2001, Marzieh Meshkini) ... C+ (48)
569. (02 Dec) Songs From the Second Floor (2000, Roy Andersson) ... C (43)
vg10. (02 Dec) Aladdin (1993) ... B- (54) (More bosses plz?)
vg09. (02 Dec) Bebe's Kids (1994) ... F (3) (L+R+Y Special = FAIL)
vg08. (02 Dec) Actraiser (1990) ... C+ (47)
568. (01 Dec) Troll 2 (1990, Claudio Fragrasso) ... C- (29) (Such an obvious camp classic I'm not sure why I don't watch it more often.)
567. (01 Dec) THX 1138 (1971, George Lucas) ... C+ (49)
566. (28 Nov) Cool Hand Luke (1967, Stuart Rosenberg) ... B- (57)
565. (27 Nov) A Christmas Story (1983, Bob Clark) ... C+ (45)
vg07. (27 Nov) Super Castlevania IV (1991) ... B (62)
564. (26 Nov) Sleuth (1972, Joseph Mankiewicz) ... B- (53)
563. (25 Nov) Pledge This! (2006, Hamilton / Heins) ... F (2)
vg06. (25 Nov) Mobile Light Force 2 (2003) ... B (63)
562. (24 Nov) Bottoms Up (2006, Erik MacArthur) ... D (10)
561. (23 Nov) Shoot 'Em Up (2007, Michael Davis) ... B- (58)
560. (23 Nov) Catch a Fire (2006, Phillip Noyce) ... C- (28)
559. (22 Nov) Live Free or Die Hard (2007, Len Wiseman) ... A- (81)
558. (21 Nov) Groundhog Day (1993, Harold Ramis) ... A- (84)
557. (20 Nov) The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993, Henry Selick) ... B (61)
556. (19 Nov) Sunset Boulevard (1950, Billy Wilder) ... B- (60)
555. (19 Nov) Leon (1994, Luc Besson) ... B- (57)
554. (18 Nov) SLC Punk! (1999, James Merendino) ... D (11)
553. (17 Nov) Roger and Me (1989, Michael Moore) ... C+ (46)
552. (16 Nov) The Bourne Ultimatum (2007, Paul Greengrass) ... B- (60)
551. (15 Nov) The Great Dictator (1940, Charlie Chaplin) ... C+ (47)
550. (14 Nov) Memento (2001, Christopher Nolan) ... A (94)
549. (12 Nov) Modern Times (1936, Charlie Chaplin) ... A- (83)
vg05. (11 Nov) Disgaea (2003) ... B (66)
548. (08 Nov) Dog Day Afternoon (1975, Sydney Lumet) ... B (62)
547. (06 Nov) Thirteen Days (2000, Roger Donaldson) ... C+ (51)
546. (05 Nov) Land and Freedom (1996, Ken Loach) ... B- (60)
545. (03 Nov) Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965, Russ Meyer) ... B- (53)
tv14. (03 Nov) Two and a Half Men (2003) ... D+ (27)
544. (02 Nov) Ace In the Hole (1951, Billy Wilder) ... A- (88)
543. (31 Oct) Roman Holiday (1953, William Wyler) ... B- (59)
542. (31 Oct) The Astronaut Farmer (2007, Michael Polish) ... C- (24)
541. (30 Oct) License to Wed (2007, Ken Kwapis) ... D+ (23)
540. (28 Oct) The Last Legion (2007, Doug Lefler) ... C (41)
539. (27 Oct) Mr. Brooks (2007, Bruce A. Evans) ... C+ (44)
538. (26 Oct) The Player (1992, Robert Altman) ... B- (58)
537. (25 Oct) Gerry (2003, Gus Van Sant) ... B (61)
536. (24 Oct) Infamous (2006, Douglas McGrath) ... C+ (50)
535. (23 Oct) Balls of Fury (2007, Ben Garant) ... D+ (18)
tv13. (23 Oct) "Merv Griffin's Crosswords" (2007) ... D (13)
534. (22 Oct) Fay Grim (2007, Hal Hartley) ... B- (57)
533. (22 Oct) The History Boys (2006, Nicholas Hytner) ... C+ (46)
532. (20 Oct) The Lives of Others (2007, Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck) ... C+ (44)
531. (19 Oct) Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004, Brad Siberling) ... A- (88)
530. (17 Oct) The Breakfast Club (1985, John Hughes) ... C- (24)
529. (17 Oct) Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001, Lee Demarbre) ... D+ (19)
528. (16 Oct) I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007, Dennis Dugan) ... C (42)
527. (16 Oct) Stardust (2007, Matthew Vaughn) ... B (61)
526. (15 Oct) Perfect Stranger (2007, James Foley) ... D (13)
525. (14 Oct) Unknown White Male (2006, Rupert Murray) ... C- (28)
524. (13 Oct) The Man Who Knew Too Much (1934, Alfred Hitchcock) ... C+ (50)
523. (13 Oct) Blade: Trinity (2004, David S. Goyer) ... C- (28)
522. (12 Oct) How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003, Donald Petrie) ... C- (32)
521. (11 Oct) Wimbledon (2004, Richard Loncraine) ... C (43)
520. (10 Oct) Bad Boys II (2003, Michael Bay) ... D (10)
519. (09 Oct) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007, David Yates) ... B- (57)
518. (08 Oct) Shaolin Soccer (2002, Stephen Chow) ... B+ (78)
517. (08 Oct) Top Gun (1986, Tony Scott) ... C- (33)
516. (07 Oct) The Plague Dogs (1982, Martin Rosen) ... C (41)
515. (05 Oct) Witness For the Prosecution (1957, Billy Wilder) ... B (62)
514. (05 Oct) The Simpsons Movie (2007, David Silverman) ... B- (53)
513. (05 Oct) Osmosis Jones (2001, The Farrelly Bros.) ... C+ (47)
512. (04 Oct) Shakespeare in Love (1998, John Madden) ... C- (32)
511. (03 Oct) The 39 Steps (1935, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B (61)
510. (03 Oct) Narc (2002, Joe Carnahan) ... C+ (51)
509. (02 Oct) The Hudsucker Proxy (1994, Joel Coen) ... B- (53)
508. (02 Oct) Transformers (2007, Michael Bay) ... D+ (21)
507. (01 Oct) Roger Dodger (2002, Dylan Kidd) ... B+ (70)
506. (30 Sep) GalaxyQuest (1999, Dean Parisot) ... B- (57)
505. (30 Sep) Yi Yi (2000, Edward Yang) ... B (61)
504. (29 Sep) Becoming Jane (2007, Julian Jarrold) ... C (43)
503. (29 Sep) Deep Blue Sea (1999, Renny Harlin) ... C (36)
502. (28 Sep) Red River (1948, Howard Hawks) ... B (61)
501. (28 Sep) Assault on Precinct 13 (2005, Jean-Francois Richet) ... C (43)
vg04. (27 Sep) Super Mario 64 (1996) ... A- (88)
500. (26 Sep) El Dorado (1966, Howard Hawks) ... B- (59)
tv12. (25 Sep) "Mission Hill" (1999) ... C- (31)
499. (25 Sep) Hot Rod (2007, Akiva Schaffer) ... D+ (19)
498. (25 Sep) The Invasion (2007, Oliver Hirschbiegel) ... C+ (47)
497. (24 Sep) Bad Boys (1995, Michael Bay) ... C- (33)
496. (24 Sep) House of Games (1987, David Mamet) ... B- (52)
495. (24 Sep) 50 First Dates (2004, Peter Segal) ... D+ (21)
494. (23 Sep) D-War (2007, Hyung-rae Shim) ... D (10)
493. (23 Sep) Lifeboat (1944, Alfred Hitchcock) ... C (42)
492. (23 Sep) Sherlock Jr. [m] (1924, Buster Keaton) ... A- (80)
491. (22 Sep) Rebecca (1940, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B (63)
490. (22 Sep) The Right Stuff (1983, Philip Kaufman) ... C+ (48)
489. (21 Sep) Swordfish (2001, Dominic Sena) ... D+ (21)
488. (20 Sep) Who's Camus Anyway? (2005, Mitsuo Yanagimachi) ... B (68)
487. (19 Sep) High School Musical (2006, Kenny Ortega) ... C- (29)
486. (19 Sep) Le Corbeau (1943, Henri-Georges Clouzot) ... B (69)
485. (18 Sep) Liar Liar (1997, Tom Shadyac) ... C+ (50)
484. (18 Sep) Daddy Day Camp (2007, Fred Savage) ... D (9)
483. (18 Sep) Who's Your Caddy? (2007, Don Michael Paul) ... F (1)
482. (17 Sep) The Last Picture Show (1971, Peter Bogdanovich) ... B (54)
481. (17 Sep) Phone Booth (2003, Joel Schumacher) ... C+ (47)
480. (17 Sep) What Time Is It There? (2002, Tsai Ming-Liang) ... B (68)
479. (16 Sep) To Catch a Thief (1955, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B- (53)
478. (16 Sep) Heist (2001, David Mamet) ... C+ (49)
477. (16 Sep) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003, Stephen Norrington) ... C (35)
476. (15 Sep) The Lookout (2007, Scott Frank) ... C+ (45)
475. (15 Sep) Tokyo Godfathers (2004, Satoshi Kon) ... B- (55)
474. (15 Sep) District B-13 (2006, Pierre Morel) ... B- (54)
473. (15 Sep) Firehouse Dog (2007, Todd Holland) ... D (11)
472. (14 Sep) Raja (2004, Jacques Doillon) ... B (62)
471. (13 Sep) Strangers on a Train (1951, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B- (55)
470. (12 Sep) Glengarry Glen Ross (1992, James Foley) ... B (61)
469. (11 Sep) The Tenant (1976, Roman Polanski) ... B- (57)
468. (11 Sep) Thunderball (1965, Terence Young) ... B (61)
467. (11 Sep) Live Free or Die Hard (2007, Len Wiseman) ... B+ (79)
466. (11 Sep) Waitress (2007, Adrienne Shelly) ... B- (56)
vg03. (10 Sep) Fallout: A Post-Nuclear Role-Playing Game (1997) ... A (98) (I play through this at least a couple times per year - might as well get used to seeing it rated higher than just about everything else)
465. (09 Sep) Flirting With Disaster (1996, David O. Russell) ... C+ (49)
vg02. (09 Sep) Shandalar (1997) ... C+ (48)
464. (09 Sep) The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957, David Lean) ... B- (57)
463. (08 Sep) Tin Men (1987, Barry Levinson) ... B- (55)
462. (08 Sep) Go (1999, Doug Liman) ... C+ (50)
461. (08 Sep) Ben-Hur (1959, William Wyler) ... C (37)
460. (07 Sep) The Castle of Cagliostro (1979, Hayao Miyazaki) ... A- (87)
459. (07 Sep) The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985, Woody Allen) ... B+ (78)
vg01. (06 Sep) Resident Evil 4 (2005) ... B- (56)
458. (06 Sep) The Producers (1968, Mel Brooks) ... B- (52)
tv11. (05 Sep) Metalocalypse (2006) ... D (10)
457. (05 Sep) The Powerpuff Girls Movie (2002, Craig McCracken) ... B (62) ("My actions speak louder than words! Unless my words are HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAH!")
456. (05 Sep) Miss Congeniality (2000, Donald Petrie) ... C+ (45)
455. (04 Sep) American Pie (1999, Paul Weitz) ... C- (33)
454. (04 Sep) The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966, Sergio Leone) ... B (67)
453. (04 Sep) I Know Who Killed Me (2007, Chris Sivertson) ... F (3)
452. (04 Sep) Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007, Gore Verbinski) ... C+ (44)
451. (03 Sep) Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982, Amy Heckerling) ... C+ (46)
450. (03 Sep) Flowers of Shanghai (1998, Hou Hsiao-Hsien) ... B+ (70)
449. (02 Sep) Infernal Affairs (2004, Siu Fai Mak / Wai Keung Lau) ... B- (55)
448. (02 Sep) Treasure Planet (2002, Clements / Musker) ... B (61)
447. (01 Sep) Open Range (2003, Kevin Costner) ... B- (58)
tv10. (01 Sep) The Zeta Project (2001) ... C+ (48)
446. (31 Aug) Paper Moon (1973, Peter Bogdanovich) ... B (67)
445. (30 Aug) EuroTrip (2004, Jeff Schaffer) ... D (14)
444. (29 Aug) Enter the Dragon (1973, Robert Clouse) ... C (41)
443. (28 Aug) Sicko (2007, Michael Moore) ... C (36)
442. (28 Aug) On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969, Peter R. Hunt) ... B- (57)
441. (28 Aug) Evan Almighty (2007, Tom Shadyac) ... C+ (48)
440. (28 Aug) Evening (2007, Lajos Koltai) ... C- (25)
439. (28 Aug) Johnny English (2003, Peter Howitt) ... C+ (45)
438. (27 Aug) The Killing (1956, Stanley Kubrick) ... B- (58)
437. (27 Aug) Miller's Crossing (1990, Joel Coen) ... C+ (50)
436. (27 Aug) Sugar Creek (2007, James Cotten) ... D+ (22)
435. (26 Aug) Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007, Steve Bendelack) ... D+ (17)
434. (26 Aug) The Mars Underground (2007, Scott J. Gill) ... B- (53)
433. (26 Aug) High Spirits (1988, Neil Jordan) ... C+ (50)
432. (26 Aug) Police Academy (1984, Hugh Wilson) ... C- (32)
431. (25 Aug) Wayne's World 2 (1993, Stephen Surjik) ... C+ (49)
430. (25 Aug) Wayne's World (1992, Penelope Spheeris) ... B- (53)
429. (25 Aug) Willow (1988, Ron Howard) ... C+ (48)
tv09. (24 Aug) The Decalogue (1988) ... B- (60)
tv08. (22 Aug) Frisky Dingo (2006) ... C (40)
428. (21 Aug) The Girl Next Door (2004, Luke Greenfield) ... C (42)
427. (21 Aug) Knocked Up (2007, Judd Apatow) ... C+ (50)
426. (21 Aug) Ocean's Thirteen (2007, Steven Soderbergh) ... C+ (46)
425. (20 Aug) Antitrust (2001, Peter Howitt) ... D+ (26)
tv07. (20 Aug) The Boondocks (2005) ... C- (28)
424. (19 Aug) The Covenant (2006, Renny Harlin) ... D+ (18)
423. (19 Aug) Kickin' It Old Skool (2007, Harvey Glazer) ... F (4)
422. (18 Aug) 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003, John Singleton) ... C- (30)
421. (18 Aug) Accepted (2006, Steve Pink) ... C (42)
420. (17 Aug) Hannah and Her Sisters (1986, Woody Allen) ... B- (58)
419. (16 Aug) The Rainmaker (1997, Francis Ford Coppola) ... C- (35)
418. (15 Aug) America: From Freedom to Fascism (2006, Aaron Russo) ... F (1)
417. (15 Aug) Time Out (2002, Laurent Cantet) ... B- (57)
416. (15 Aug) Koyaaniqatsi (1982, Godfrey Reggio) ... C+ (45)
415. (14 Aug) Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior (2005, Pracheya Pinkaew) ... B- (55)
tv06 (14 Aug) "Cities of the Underworld" (2007) ... C- (33) (Actual movies coming shortly. Promise.)
tv05. (14 Aug) "Ice Road Truckers" (2007) ... F (4)
tv04. (08 Aug) "Cowboy Bebop" (1998) ... A (92) (1.01, 1.02, 1.03, 1.11, 1.14. 100 / 93 / 94 / 86 / 84.)
tv03. (08 Aug) "Afro Samurai" (2007) ... D (15)
414. (07 Aug) Manon des Sources (1986, Claude Berri) ... B- (56)
413. (07 Aug) Jean de Florette (1986, Claude Berri) ... B- (57)
tv02. (06 Aug) "As Told By Ginger" (2000) ... B (64)
412. (06 Aug) Wassup Rockers (2006, Larry Clark) ... D (12)
411. (05 Aug) Fracture (2007, Gregory Hoblit) ... C (42)
410. (05 Aug) Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price (2005, Robert Greenwald) ... F (8)
409. (05 Aug) Nancy Drew (2007, Andrew Fleming) ... B+ (71)
408. (04 Aug) Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004, Alexander Witt) ... D+ (22)
407. (04 Aug) The Wild Angels (1966, Roger Corman) ... C- (25)
tv01. (03 Aug) "Megas XLR" (2004) ... B- (52)
406. (03 Aug) S.W.A.T. (2003, Clark Johnson) ... C+ (45)
405. (03 Aug) I Spy (2002, Betty Thomas) ... C+ (44)
404. (02 Aug) Jackass: The Movie (2002, Jeff Tremaine) ... C+ (46)
403. (02 Aug) Man on Fire (2004, Tony Scott) ... C- (33)
402. (02 Aug) Arsenic and Old Lace (1944, Frank Capra) ... C+ (50)
401. (31 Jul) Stardust Memories (1980, Woody Allen) ... B- (59)
400. (30 Jul) Top Secret! (1984, ZAZ) ... B+ (70)
399. (30 Jul) The One (2001, James Wong) ... C (42)
398. (29 Jul) The Whole Ten Yards (2004, Howard Deutch) ... C (41)
397. (29 Jul) The Whole Nine Yards (2000, Jonathan Lynn) ... C+ (46)
396. (28 Jul) A Man Escaped (1956, Robert Bresson) ... B- (60)
395. (28 Jul) Maximum Overdrive (1986, Stephen King) ... F (4)
394. (27 Jul) Watership Down (1978, Martin Rosen) ... D+ (26)
s02. (27 Jul) The Balloonatic [s] (1923, Cline / Keaton) ... C+ (51)
s01. (27 Jul) Neighbors [s] (1920, Cline / Keaton) ... B- (54)
393. (27 Jul) Seven Chances [m] (1925, Buster Keaton) ... B (65)
392. (27 Jul) And Then There Were None (1945, Rene Clair) ... C+ (44)
391. (26 Jul) Rio Bravo (1959, Howard Hawks) ... B (66)
390. (25 Jul) They Live (1988, John Carpenter) ... C+ (47)
389. (24 Jul) Robin Hood: Men In Tights (1993, Mel Brooks) ... C+ (46)
388. (24 Jul) The Wicker Man (2006, Neil LaBute) ... C- (30)
387. (24 Jul) Meet the Robinsons (2007, Stephen J. Anderson) ... B- (57)
386. (23 Jul) Perfect Blue (1999, Satoshi Kon) ... B- (55)
385. (23 Jul) La Femme Nikita (1990, Luc Besson) ... C+ (44)
384. (23 Jul) Big Fish (2003, Tim Burton) ... B (61)
383. (22 Jul) O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000, Joel Coen) ... B+ (70)
382. (22 Jul) Shanghai Noon (2000, Tom Dey) ... B (65)
381. (22 Jul) The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939, Sidney Lanfield) ... C+ (50)
380. (22 Jul) It Happened One Night (1934, Frank Capra) ... B (65)
379. (21 Jul) Mr. Nice Guy (1997, Sammo Hung Kam-Bo) ... C (42)
378. (21 Jul) The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001, Woody Allen) ... C+ (46)
377. (20 Jul) Rivers and Tides (2003, Thomas Riedelsheimer) ... B- (59)
376. (20 Jul) Sanjuro (1962, Akira Kurosawa) ... B (65)
375. (19 Jul) The Lady Vanishes (1938, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B (61)
374. (18 Jul) Wind Chill (2007, Gregory Jacobs) ... C (40)
373. (18 Jul) Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter Jr. (1999, Errol Morris) ... B (69)
372. (17 Jul) A Brief History of Time (1991, Errol Morris) ... B+ (73)
371. (17 Jul) This Film Is Not Yet Rated (2006, Kirby Dick) ... B- (55)
370. (17 Jul) The U.S. vs John Lennon (2006, Leaf / Scheinfeld) ... C (41)
369. (16 Jul) Glen or Glenda (1953, Edward D. Wood Jr.) ... C+ (47)
368. (16 Jul) Spider-Man 3 (2007, Sam Raimi) ... C+ (45)
367. (16 Jul) Bug (2007, William Friedkin) ... C (39)
366. (15 Jul) Aquamarine (2006, Elizabeth Allen) ... A- (86)
365. (15 Jul) Duel (1971, Steven Spielberg) ... C+ (49)
364. (15 Jul) The Battleship Potemkin (1925, Sergei M. Eisenstein) ... C- (29)
363. (15 Jul) The Gold Rush (1925, Charlie Chaplin) ... B- (59)
362. (15 Jul) Life is Beautiful (1998, Roberto Benigni) ... B+ (66)
361. (14 Jul) To Live (1994, Zhang Yimou) ... C+ (47)
360. (13 Jul) Safe (1995, Todd Haynes) ... B- (57)
359. (13 Jul) The Lost Weekend (1945, Billy Wilder) ... C+ (49)
358. (13 Jul) The Transporter 2 (2005, Louis Leterrier) ... B- (58)
357. (12 Jul) Soylent Green (1973, Richard Fleischer) ... C (42)
356. (12 Jul) Scary Movie (2000, Keenan Ivory Wayans) ... C+ (49)
355. (12 Jul) Conspiracy (2001, Frank Pierson) ... B- (52)
354. (12 Jul) Dawn of the Dead (1978, George A. Romero) ... B+ (75)
353. (11 Jul) Anna and the King (1999, Andy Tennant) ... C+ (47)
352. (11 Jul) The Ox-Bow Incident (1943, William A. Wellman) ... C+ (51)
351. (10 Jul) The Devil Wears Prada (2006, David Frankel) ... B+ (73)
350. (10 Jul) Jeremiah Johnson (1972, Sydney Pollack) ... B- (54)
349. (09 Jul) U.S. Marshals (1998, Stuart Baird) ... C+ (46)
348. (09 Jul) Dark Star (1974, John Carpenter) ... C+ (48)
347. (08 Jul) Repulsion (1965, Roman Polanski) ... B- (59)
346. (08 Jul) Quay of the Goldsmiths (1947, Henri-Georges Clouzot) ... B- (56)
345. (07 Jul) All About Eve (1950, Joseph Mankiewicz) ... B+ (78)
344. (07 Jul) Reefer Madness (1936, Louis J. Gasnier) ... F (8)
343. (07 Jul) Material Girls (2006, Martha Coolidge) ... F (5)
342. (06 Jul) Big Momma's House 2 (2006, John Whitesell) ... D (11)
341. (06 Jul) Night of the Living Dead (1968, George A. Romero) ... B (62)
340. (06 Jul) It Came From Outer Space (1953, Jack Arnold) ... C+ (47)
339. (05 Jul) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974, Tobe Hooper) ... C (39)
338. (05 Jul) His Girl Friday (1940, Howard Hawks) ... A (92)
337. (04 Jul) Frankenfish (2004, Mark A.Z. Dippé) ... D (9)
336. (04 Jul) Raising Arizona (1987, Joel Coen) ... C+ (50)
335. (04 Jul) Shrek the Third (2007, Chris Miller) ... D+ (20)
334. (04 Jul) Surf's Up (2007, Brannon / Buck) ... C+ (48)
333. (04 Jul) Ratatouille (2007, Brad Bird) ... B+ (70)
332. (03 Jul) Resident Evil (2002, Paul W.S. Anderson) ... C- (33)
331. (03 Jul) Hot Fuzz (2007, Edgar Wright) ... B- (55)
330. (03 Jul) 28 Weeks Later (2007, Juan Carlos Fresnadillo) ... C (39)
329. (02 Jul) Old Joy (2006, Kelly Reichardt) ... B- (60)
328. (02 Jul) The Invisible (2007, David S. Goyer) ... C- (28)
327. (02 Jul) Disturbia (2007, DJ Caruso) ... C+ (51)
326. (01 Jul) Paris, Je T'aime (2007, Various) ... C (43)
325. (01 Jul) Solaris (1972, Andrei Tarkovsky) ... C+ (51)
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